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Retrosexual...a real mans guide

Discussion in 'The Pub' at netrider.net.au started by Removed_User4, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Smarteeee
    I took this as humour as this was passed on to me from a guy I know in the military...but there is a little something in here. I think this is deserving for men whom could be a little confused in their role today. It may appear "Old School" to those whom are now in their younger years, but read on, a bit of old schooling wont hurt you.

    This is for the real blokes out there to pass on to all the blokes who now days think it's cool to be a metrosexual. Bring back our masculinity - top being a bunch of pussies who have far too much gel in their hair and smell and look like chicks. Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, decorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui."

    Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, A non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual... Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your arse, burp, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars , "the Retrosexual movement."

    The Code:

    A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

    A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

    A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

    A Retrosexual does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

    A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a handbag carrying little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

    A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a
    freak BBQ accident, favourite sports team being moved to a different city, favourite dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

    A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

    A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

    A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about
    getting. This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.

    A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

    A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

    There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Holden ute.

    When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pricks" look on his face.

    A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance and drinking piss with the boys.

    A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

    A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on his ute--that would happen because of a "force of nature",and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

    A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE:
    The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!
  2. dude, you are severely socially-retarded. well done with that ;)
  3. I can feel a POLL coming on..... .... :LOL:.
  4. i must say,

    i lot of that is very true, i can't remember when i last saw anyone giving up a seat or holding open a door for the elderly\women etc.

    I always get a suprised look wheni do so it must be rare these days

    there are a few other points in there but bascally...be yourself and don't change justt o fit in with the crowd.....

    and Yes i can only tie a windsor knot in my tie
  5. That was very cool, I have posted it at work for all the metro's to read :cool:
  6. There'd better (k)not be!!!! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    :oops: Sorry, I'll got sit on the naughty stool now... :wink:
  7. "A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey."

    That is piss funny! Do Army surplus greens count? :-k
  8. #8 im.on.it, Feb 27, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2015
    Smarteee I reckonn this would be more your thing,


    imagine a world where you could harrass your fellow female office colleagues withtout getting fired!! ;) :p
  9. From memory telling you the story, I was the one continually harrassed being the victim.