Things teachers would like to write on students' reports â€“ but canâ€™t. Since my last report this student has reached rock bottom and started to dig. I would not allow this student to breed. This student has delusions of adequacy. This student sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to meet them. This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. This student has a full â€œ6-packâ€ â€“ but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. This student has been working with glue too much. When this studentâ€™s IQ reaches 50 â€“ they should sell. This student has a photographic memory â€“ but the lens cap is glued on. The boom gate is down, the lights are flashing â€“ but no train is coming. If this student was any more stupid theyâ€™d have to be watered twice a week. If you gave this student a penny for their thoughts â€“ youâ€™d get change. Itâ€™s hard to believe that this student beat out 1,000,000 other sperm cells. This student is one neuron short of a synapse. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead. Other students would follow this student anywhere â€“ but only out of a morbid sense of curiosity. All is not lost! This student could someday be on the Board of Studies.