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Religious Joke

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pete the freak, Mar 27, 2007.

  1. In light of the 'This I Believe' thread, here's one of my fave religious jokes:

    A protestant, a catholic and a mormon are sitting round chatting.

    The protestant proudly states, "I have four strapping young sons, one more and I'll have a basketball team!"

    The Catholic replies, "So what, I've got eight sons, one more and I'll have a baseball team!!"

    The Mormon scoffs at them both and says, "Yeah, well I've got 17 wives, one more and I'll have a golf course!!!"

    Boom Tish.

    What's yours???
  2. Mark and Geoff went out to the golf course to practice their putting. Mark was quite holy, and went to church every week, Geoff on the other hand, was the type to go once at christmas and easter if he had nothing better to do.
    Anyhow they were practicing there putting on this particular hole. Geoff went for the put, but his aim was shocking, "damn I missed" he said. Mark said "please Geoff, watch what you say, I really don't like it when you use those words."
    Geoff went for the second putt, yet again "damn I missed" he said. Mark said "please Geoff, watch what you say, I really don't like it when you use those words." Geoff looked up to the sky and said "Lord if I say damn I missed one more time, please strike me with lightning."
    Geoff went for his final attempt at this put, and the ball again went well off target. "Damn I missed" he said.
    At once all the big black clouds appeared, and lightning struck, and hit Mark, the holy guy. Geoff stood there in shock, as a voice came from the clouds saying "Damn I missed."
  3. Religious joke?
  4. omg he touched me, im cured, im cured!
  5. Really? :-s

    Question is, Where did he touch you and what the f*** did he cure you of???
  6. After a long live of service to the church, Father O'Flannagan dies of old age and finds himself outside St.Peter's gate. Infront of him is a parishioner from the priest's church, who had just died in a car accident.
    St. Peter says to the man, "...everything seems to be in order, you shall pass". And the man enters heaven.
    St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name?"
    "Father O'Flannagan." replies the preist.
    St. Peter checks his books "Sorry, father.... You don't seem to be mentioned here, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
    Outraged, the holy man argues, "But you let that hoon in!!! Did you here his confessions? I've spent all of my life devoted to the Lord. How come he has a place in heave where I do not?"
    "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale, you see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove, everyone prayed!"
  7. Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children...and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later...and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.

    At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, "At last...they're finally together." A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"

    "No," the priest says politely, "I mean her LEGS."

    Don't know if that's entirely possible, but funny all the same.
  8. God offered his tablet of commandments to the world.

    He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested."

    Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested."

    Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are not interested," they answered.

    Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten of them!"