Welcome to Netrider ... Connecting Riders!

Interested in talking motorbikes with a terrific community of riders?
Signup (it's quick and free) to join the discussions and access the full suite of tools and information that Netrider has to offer.

Really Really REALLY bad

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Iffracem, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
    The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
    carrion allowed per passenger."

    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
    and became a famous actor.
    The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became know as the lesser of two weevils.

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
    fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
    and heat it, too.

    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides
    up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
    canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
    in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
    an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    "But why?"they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
    stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
    to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
    Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
    himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
    husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
    responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
    up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
    flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
    competition was unfair.

    He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
    He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
    rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
    in town to "persuade" them to close.

    Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
    prevent florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
    which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
    little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
    from bad breath. This made him ...what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's

    A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
    friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
    laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
  2. Shit, I'm older than you. (silly old fart) Do I have to go through the same stage in life as you or have I by-passed it?????? :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    The Ghandi one wins. :p

  3. You haven't been indulging in some of that Wharncliffe Vineyards Pinot Noir have ya mate?????? or worse, the Cradle Mountain Double Malt Whisky ....bloody wicked stuff..
  4. The Gandhi joke was the highlight of my day, so a) the joke was good or b) I have to get out more. Either way, thanks - what a pisser!
  5. Maybe i didnt get them cos im not senil yet.

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :p 8)
  6. pure comedic genius! :LOL:
    i'll take this opportunity to add my joke to the list.
    there were two parrots sitting on a perch and one said to the other, "Something smells fishy."
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: 8) :p
  7. Ooooyyy! that gave me a humerous tankslapper!
  8. that was unbelievable bad :p :D :D