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Random acts of lunacy

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by not_sane, Jun 28, 2005.

    > Strange but oddly satisfying RANDOM ACTS OF LUNACY A man who shovelled

    > snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
    > Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.

    > Understandably, he shot her.
    > **************************************************************
    > After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
    > found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
    > from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
    > incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
    > everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers
    > to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
    > excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
    > discovered for 3 days.
    > ****************************************************************
    > An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
    > serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

    > received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
    > to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was

    > hit.
    > ********************************************************************
    > A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
    > examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen.
    > It
    > only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is
    > pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the
    > doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise
    > her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window
    > and silently watched the horizon.
    > The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window!
    > Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying
    > attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star
    > appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was just
    > checking.
    > *********************************************************************
    > When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
    > during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
    > Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the
    > barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
    > **********************************************************************
    > The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
    > machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
    > insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of

    > its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost
    > a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
    > **********************************************************************
    > Bonus extra
    > A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
    > something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a
    > bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
    > plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the
    > cab, then the driver said, Please, don't ever do that again. You
    > scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also
    > frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the
    > shoulder could frighten
    > him>
    > so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your

    > fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving

    > a hearse for the last 25 years.
  2. Thanks, mate. They were all funny, you've made my morning.
  3. I liked the mother/daughter/pregnant/doctor/three wise men story, PMSL.
  4. what I found funny is that Not_Sane is posting Random acts of Lunacy :LOL:

    Very funny stuff made my morning................... :LOL: :LOL:
  5. Yes, Susan, I must admit that I saw a delicious irony in that too!!
  6. haha.. :D :D ... true, i didn't even notice that. was a bit tired this morning :)
  7. Thanks for contributing to OUR insanity!