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Qantas gripe sheets

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Demaros, Jul 19, 2005.

  1. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

    sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

    mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,

    and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never

    let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour...

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas Pilots

    (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by

    maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an

    accident. ...

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per

    minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.

    P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

    pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget
  2. LMAO!

    Thats great,..... and quite believable too....

  3. :LOL: :LOL: very funny , and very scary at the same time.
  4. Demaros

    A spectacular entry from the newcomer, I award it 6s across the board!!! Just love it.
  5. oh i got more where that came from just trying to find it
  6. As seen on aus.aviation, repeatedly. It was initially attributed to US Airforce.

    eg: passenger aircraft don't have IFF transponders (International Friend or Foe).

    Qantas aircraft are jets. Their engines don't "miss".

    All Boeing and Airbus passenger aircraft that Qantas operates have "autoland" devices.

    Passenger aircraft don't have "target radar", particularly ones that hum...

    Still, it was a humorous yarn....
  7. Loosen up, man....this was supposed to be !!!FUN!!!! only.
  8. That's fair enough. But it starts off a a Qantas thing, and it is clearly not.
  9. Bullshit, I swear I saw rockets mounted on the Virgin Blue flight I took a couple of weeks back. Talk about tough competition!
  10. yep it was swiped from a US site I would imagine and modifies (poorly) as I saw it a few weeks ago. It was about one of the US carriers.

    Cheers 8)
  11. its been around for years :p
  12. well @ VIGIN BLUE we have better flight attendents