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Postman Pat Retires

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Iffracem, Feb 5, 2005.

  1. After 30 years Postman Pat is retiring, he's doing his last round of deliveries (before handing the van over to Randy to use as a pretend shaggin wagon)

    He gets to the first house, the couple who live there are waiting outside the fence, they thank him for the friendly service, wish him well, and hand over a farewell gift of a gold watch.

    Pat is amazed, he doesn't know what to say, the black and white cat takes a dump on the lawn. With a wave, and a tear in his eye, Pat gets into the van and continues on.

    Next house, the owners are waiting, they thank him and hand over a ticket on a carribean boat cruise, as thanks for all the good service. Pat is flabergasted!, the cat screws their pet turtle.

    Back in the van, off he goes, continuing the rounds and at each stop the same thing happens, great gifts, and lots of thanks, Pat is overwhelmed with the generosity. The cat, being a typical cat, rapes, pillages and craps wherever it can.

    Finally Pat gets to the last stop, no-one is waiting outside, he walks up to the door and rings the bell..... the door is opened by a gorgeous blonde, absolutely stunning, wearing just a nightie. She grabs his hand, whispers "I've got a farewell present for you" and leads him up the stairs to the bedroom. (settle down Randy...)

    For nearly three hours they have wild passionate sex, Pat had sex in ways he didn't even know was possible.... The cat ate all the fish in the pond, then pissed in it.

    After the sex, she told Pat to have a shower, get dressed and come down to the kitchen. So he did, and there was this wonderful breakfast ready, bacon, eggs, fresh juice, toast, baked beans. When Pat was full, she handed him a fresh cup of coffee, under the cup, on the saucer was a five dollar note.

    Pat was confused, he said. " you've already given me a wonderful present, the best sex I'll ever have in my life, a fabulous breakfast, why the $5??"

    She said.....

    "Well... last night I told my husband that you were retiring after 30 years, and everyone was talking about the wonderful gifts they were going to give and I asked him what we could do, My husband said......

    "f#@k the four eyed twerp, give im five bucks"...

    "The breakfast was my idea"