Police in London found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside. Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care... One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma. During an overnight lashing by high winds an African family in Birmingham was killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there'. Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown five times a week now. I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger-haired kid, with two friends? I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch. My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers like Bose," he told me. A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he Was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... They are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low? I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"