If the ABC was Relevant (Part 44) (a John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit) (The Customer) [Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN] John: Morning! Looking for a new car? Bryan: Nope. Prime Minister, actually. John: You’re the third one this morning. Anything in mind? Bryan: You know....... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B. John: You mean like a Howard? Bryan: Yeah....a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles. John: So.... you used to have one? Bryan: Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid of him --biggest mistake I’ve ever made… John: What happened? Bryan: Traded him in for a Kevin 07. John: Big mistake… Bryan: Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage. John: How was the Kevin 07? Bryan: Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was good. John: Anything else? Bryan: Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon. John: Didn’t stick around for long did it? Bryan: Nah – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again. John: What was the problem? Bryan: Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way. John: Whatcha got now? Bryan: It’s a Gillard-Brown. John: The hybrid? Bryan: Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse… John: Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the one? Bryan: The Fustercluck model. John: The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system? Bryan: Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere. John: So that’s why you’re here? Bryan: That’s right. I’m stuck with a government that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the “Cash for Clunkers” scheme? John: Join the queue brother.