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Placating the significant other

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' started by varsis, Feb 16, 2012.

  1. We've discussed me getting a bike for quite some time now, things have come to a resolution and I'll be picking up my bike on saturday. The thing is, my wife feels as though I'm going to leave her behind, go off on rides and not spend time with her on the weekends.

    I've pointed out that I'm obviously going to be going for rides on the weekend, and will ensure we'll make up the time elsewhere. However, I'm interested in how NR peeps handle this situation, bit of advice wouldn't go astray. Keeping the wife happy is always a bonus.
  2. I can understand your situation. Some people will say, "harden up ya carnt", but I honestly know what it's like.

    What feelings does your wife have towards getting her licence and joining you? Perhaps you should just book her in to do the L's and see if she likes it? I can imagine how much fun couples have if BOTH of them ride, sadly I'm not one of them.
  3. What difference is it if you play sport? None, whatsoever. It's all about balance and managing it.

    Basically the bike was there first, so no reason to argue works best :p Of course that doesn't hold for those who get their bikes post relationship. The issue at hand is no different to playing sport, or any other hobby though.
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  4. She has her Ls, we rode from north to south of vietnam together. She's pregnant, so won't be joining me for quite some time.
  5. Hard to say something with only keyboard knowledge of the situation. But, the issue could be superficial, or it could be deep.

    Superficial possibilities: she just needs re-assurance? She just needs you to promise, and follow through, on booking things with her as an explicit (i.e. clearly stated) balance to show you want both? Do you have some need to get away from her that she picks up on, and do you both need to understand what that is and how you're both contributing to some dynamic? Which leads into the deeper stuff: perhaps your wife needs to explore the nature of this anxiety within her that jumps to such conclusions / fears? What is she afraid of regarding you? Or regarding who she is?

    Some possibilities, your specific situation might place them way off the mark.
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  6. She got sick of me talking about ****!ng motorbikes all the time and booked my learner course for me.

    She's a keeper!

  7. i was going to suggest coming along on rides as a pillion if she wants to spend more time but being pregnant might rule that out.
  8. Doesn't she have friends? You going for rides could be her golden opportunity to go for coffee and talk about you behind your back. I'm pretty sure that's how it normally works. ;)
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  9. We are very close, spend a lot of time together. Me going for rides is just me going for rides because I love riding - there's nothing like it.

    As with all things, she'll realise in time that everything is all good - it's just the 'until then' that I'm unsure of how to handle.
  10. spending time apart doesn't equal an unhealthy relationship, actually it can be quite the opposite. I think everybody need time to themselves, maybe she just needs to experience that side of things?

    Jeez if me and my partner were locked in a room for a week together we would send each other insane :D well maybe not but you get what i mean?
  11. What adprom said might be on the money, we both do sports separately - handling this as a sport might be something she can relate to.
  12. if you think she can relate to that then go with it, you know her better then us
  13. Thanks for the help guys, quick and to the point. Just needed to bounce some ideas off those in the know.
  14. Whoa there Nelly! This is a whole different ball game. Shoulda mentioned this straight up.

    Face it bud, if you're any kind of father your riding time is going to be pretty tight for the next couple of years.

    But don't give up. Under NO circumstances let go of the bike, and keep it registered if you possibly can. It will be quite a few years before you will get to buy another one.

    Negotiate regular time out for riding and do not give it up. Be flexible, but do not give ground because you will not get it back. If it's raining, go anyway.

    Involve the wife and kid(s) where ever you can. And good luck.

    (oh yeah - don't crash!)
  15. Hah! Why do you think I'm getting the bike before the baby arrives, they'd be no wiggle room after.
  16. Just tell her, "darling, if I'm off for a ride now and then it will release my inner demons and the quality of time we spend together will be enhanced" Something like that.
  17. That's not far from the truth NSSherlock, I'm sure i'd come back happy and relaxed after a nice days ride :)
  18. Aha! Did someone say TRACK DAY?
  19. Ask her if she likes you coming along when she goes shopping for clothes or does it make her feel as though she's got to hurry up because you're getting impatient. Wouldn't she rather shop on her own and take as much time as she wants? Then say that you need time like that on your own and going on th bike is it. And besides, every one knows that riding a bike is good for your mental health and you'll come back in a good mood, which has got to be good for her too. Try it, she might even believe you.
  20. She's just emotional because she's preggers.

    I use the argument that I'll be a moody c*nt if I don't get my fix and what sort of husband/father would I be if I was a moody c*nt.

    Then I normally grab her by the hair and drag her to the bedroom like a real man.
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