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One liner joke thread - put all your best and worst here!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by robsalvv, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

    A. Polaroids


    Ok... one more, one that needs a fraction more thought...

    Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

    A. It's not hard

    Baboom tish!
  2. I'm up for this :)

    What's an ig?

    An Eskimo house with no toilet!
  3. I went to Borders and asked the sales assistant where the Self Help section was. She looked at me and said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. :grin:

    If a man is speaking while standing in a middle of a forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?


    And one ESPECIALLY for Hornet600:

    There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    <Cue crowd noise *groan!*>
  4. I just KNEW you were o-puning a can of worms, here Rob.

    {Looks like I've upset some precious soul in the terrorism thread too :rofl:)
  5. My all time favorite:

    Two fish are in a tank, one fish turns round to the other fish and says...I'll man the guns, you drive.
  6. mine too!
  7. Q. What do you call Bob the Builder after he retires?

    A. Bob.
  8. hahahahahaaaa! :LOL:

    Bob! hahahahaaa.

    Ok, here's an oldy goldy for the hey hey it's saturday crew:

    There was a power outage at a biddelonian department store yesterday... sources said that twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

    Baboom tish! :grin:

    Ok... one to make you think:

    If you melt dry ice, can you take a bath without getting wet? :-k
  9. One cow turns to another and says "moooooooo."

    The other one says "damn, I was just about to say that!"
  10. what did one wall say to the other wall....... I will meet you at the corner

    What is brown and sticky...... A Stick
  11. two cows in a paddock, one turns to the other and says "what do you think about this mad cow disease?"
    second cow replies doesnt worry me, im a chicken."

    two cows in the paddock, one turns to the other and says "what do you think of this mad cow disease?"

    second one replies " HOLY SHYTE!! a talking cow!!!"
  12. I saw a female wearing a t-shirt with "Guess" written on it :?
    So I said "Implants?" :p
  13. Nixon, I think the umpy wants you to take a free kick... lol... that was terrible!!

    OK... another bad one liner:

    Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    A. "How do you breathe through that thing?
  14. Not a one liner, but it'll do...

    A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

    "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

    "So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"


    No offence to policemen.. I never call them pigs, I just thought this joke was cute :p
  15. :LOL: well you did say best or worst!!!

    'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' - "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " - ' Is it common? ' - "It's not unusual."

    :rofl:@lowercase - not a one liner but funny as!
  16. A man rushes into a doctor's surgery, pushes past all the people waiting and shouts to the receptionist, "I've swallowed a billiard ball!!!!!".

    The receptionist calmly says, "Get to the end of the queue."
  17. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

    Why couldn't the baby fit through the door? It had a spear through its head... (sorry, that's my morbid humour coming out... I wont post any more of those if they offend anyone...)


    Where do you find a one legged dog?
    Where you left it.

    What's pink and fluffy?
    Pink fluff.

    What's blue and fluffy?
    Pink fluff holding it's breath

    Two muffins are in the oven.
    One says to the other "God it's hot in here"
    The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin"

    Why don't aliens eat clowns.
    Because they taste funny.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A fsh

    Two peanuts walk into a bar.
    One was a salted


    EDIT: thanks nixonchick! one of the better cop jokes :p always a goodun for parties
  18. Two biscuits are walking down the street, one turns to the other and says, "where do you live", the other turns round and says, " I'm not telling you, you'll come round a steal the washing"
  19. Had a fight with the missus last night that was my fault; she asked me what was on the TV and I said, "Dust."
  20. Cookee - that's beautiful!


    What's big, red and eats rocks?
    A big red rock eater.

    What's big, yellow and eats rocks?
    A big red rock eater in disguise.