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One for Hornet ;-P

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Bluesuede, Oct 31, 2007.

  1. While on his morning walk, Kevin Rudd falls over, has a heart attack and
    dies, because the accident and emergency ward at his nearest hospital is
    too understaffed to treat him in time.

    So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly
    Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it
    seems there is a problem.

    We seldom see Labor people around these parts, so we're not sure what to
    do with you."
    "No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says Kevin.
    "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself.
    He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy,
    you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven.

    Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."
    "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Rudd
    "I'm sorry ...but we have our rules," Peter interjects.
    And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down,
    down all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle
    of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The
    temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful

    Standing in front of it is poor old Gough Whitlam and thousands of other
    Labor and union leaders, who had helped him out over the years --- Jim
    Cairns, Bernie Payne Bob Hawke, Bill Collins, Bill D'Arcy , Paul Keating,
    Dallas Fraser, Joan Kirner, Peter Beattie, Keith Wright, Chris Brown,
    Gordon Nuttall, Wayne Goss, all good clean living Labor people. All of the Labor
    Party leaders and Union Officials were there .everyone laughing, happy,
    and casually but expensively dressed.

    They ran to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they
    had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar, even
    Bernie Payne was having a drink.
    The Devil himself comes up to Rudd with a frosty drink, "Have a Tequila and
    relax, Kevin!" "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Rudd
    dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not
    worry and it just gets better from there!"

    Rudd takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he Thinks is a
    really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes, like himself, and pulls
    hilarious nasty pranks - kind of like the ones Labor pulled with the
    "Recession we had to have" . "no child will live in poverty"...
    "Wolfdene Dam "... "no new taxes and low interest rates below 19% " and promises
    such as that that were never carried out .
    They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go.
    Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Rudd steps on the elevator and heads upward.
    When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is
    waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

    So for 24 hours Rudd is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
    good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
    than money and treat each other decently.

    Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here
    and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster and these
    people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even
    treated like someone special!

    "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Kim Beazley never prepared me for this!"
    The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in
    Hell and a day in Heaven. Now you must choose where you want to live for eternity."

    With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Rudd
    reflects for a minute ...then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd
    say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all-but I really think I
    belong in Hell with my friends."

    So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,
    all the way to Hell.
    The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched
    earth covered with garbage & toxic industrial wasteland, kind of like the
    eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback. He is horrified to see
    all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the
    roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags......They are
    groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

    The Devil comes over to Rudd and puts an arm around his shoulder....."I
    don't understand," stammers a shocked Kevin, "Yesterday I was here and there
    was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank
    tequila.....We lazed around and had a great time.

    Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

    The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs,....."Yesterday, Kevin, we were campaigning;...
    Today you voted for us!"

  2. hahahahaha, classic! :LOL: def will send that one around.
  3. hah hah, so much truth there. And would work for any politician too :LOL:.
  4. i love it
    :LOL: :LOL:
  5. Excellent :LOL: