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OMG what do I buy??

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Dec 19, 2005.

  1. A woman's guide to buying him a gift.

    Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these simple rules and you should have no problem.

    1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
    I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

    2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words, "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK, by the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

    3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. Again, no one knows why.

    4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

    5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

    6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

    7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. We do not stink - we are "earthy".

    8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

    9. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin any occasion and he will always have parts left over.

    10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Beaver Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Canadian Tire Store, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

    11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants hamburger?"

    12. Tickets to a Denver Broncos, Colorado Rockies, Central Texas Stampede games are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

    13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why please refer to Rule #08 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

    14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

    15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.
  2. Even with the America/Canadian accent this is funny (and, yes, I have two cordless drills, but living in the suburbs could never justify a chain-saw. Then again, I don't own a lawnmower)
  3. dont worry! Xmas is near!
  4. classic eswen.......... loved the list, and the whole chainsaw rule (although i must look into getting one before the next camping trip) ;)

  5. Just swap the back wheel on ya bike for a sawblade.... mobile saw bench!!
  6. after my inital laughter i realised thats actually not such a bad idea.
  7. Mmmm, girls with power tools! :D

    Brings back memories of this music video, not too WS

  8. :( meanie. you know my net has been throttled :cry:
  9. lol forgot about that!

    If you enjoy that that video as much as I do, i'll be... getting back to work now ;) :p
  10. *rocks back and forth in terror* only another week, only another week only another week...
  11. Haha, you poor thing! If my 4 meg connection got throttled I'd be spewing... or maybe not. There's a wireless network in my area ;)
  12. heh
    so you know youre getting an electric drill for xmas right?
  13. Thanks babe!! That means I can take apart your bike so much faster! :LOL:
  14. nah youd need scissors for that. Being held together with cloth tape and all...
  15. OI.. send us one of them too.. it'll save me buying one when i go out.
  16. send you some scissors? ok
  17. nah the battery drill.

    bloody uni students, never reading things properly

  18. but scissors are so much more inexpens I mean, so much more awsome!
  19. tell you what... you send me some good rum balls.. cause i'm about to finish all the ones i have.. and then you christmas shopping is over.. you can forget about everything else
  20. what do i get from you tho?