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Not enjoying riding as I should

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' started by tonee, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. After my mate's fatal accident riding has been like a walk in Baghdad.

    The routine ride to uni which used to be boring and sometimes fun is now like riding in a war zone against the cars. Constantly looking looking out for cars(which I normally do anyway) but now its just crazy.

    what's this guy doing..is he going to change lanes without indicating?..whats this chick on the phone doing, does she know im here? fk 80km feels so fast..anyone going to run the red light I'm crossing?

    As a commuter I've ridden 3 times inc. 2 short trips since and did not enjoy any of it like I did before.

    I know I just need some time to get over it but are there anything else I could do?

  2. You've pretty much summed up my daily commute. I ride in ultra defensive mode while in metro areas.
  3. dude you lost someone. whilst doing what your mate was doing when he lost his life, you've become hypersensitive. that's totally normal.
    it's not something you'll get over pretty damn quick.
    i lost someone too, year and a half on i'm still not 100%. give it time. that's all you can do
  4. Is there a surefire fix that'll work for everybody? Of course not.

    If it's not fun then you shouldn't do it.
    If you don't want to do it then you shouldn't do it.

    So let's work on those two angles.
    Put the bike under cover and give it a good wash and polish and detail.
    Clean and maintain your gear - leather conditioner etc.
    Don't take the bike out when you know it's not going to be fun. (ie., don't take the bike out in freezing drizzle in rush-hour to get somewhere you have to go but don't want to. Save your rides up for fine days on fun roads with little traffic - stuff you've enjoyed in the past.)
    If you do have to go out when it's grim, take reasonable precautions to make sure you're safe, warm, dry, and visible. Wear the right stuff and ride sensibly.

    Watch the MotoGP and WSB every weekend they're on.
    Buy a bike mag at least once a fortnight.
    Ride your bike to the graveyard and pay him a visit. You don't have to kneel down or talk out loud or anything, just drop in and say hello. Whether he'll be there to watch or know is open to argument, but he'll be there in your mind. It's a symbolic act for both of you.
    Check the fun riding vids on youTube - try and stay away from the 'collection of gruesome crashes' ones and find the ones that are fun. There are plenty of them.
    Write an owner's report / review for your bike.

    Pick a cafe or pizza joint with footpath dining near home. Ride your nice clean bike there in you nice clean gear and park it directly out front. Then sit nearest and have your dinner. You're a proud motorcyclist - look the part. (Well it works for the Ducati - late crowd. WTF would I know?)


    Watch The World's Fastest Indian.
    Watch Faster.
    Watch On Any Sunday.
    Watch TT3D.
    Watch Top Gun. - I'm scraping the bottom here, aren't I?

    Don't watch anything with Ewan MacGreggor or Charlie Borman in it... it's sh1t ...

    Even if you give it a rest for a while, stick around netrider and talk to us. We'll talk back. You don't stop being a motorcyclist, one of us, just because the bike doesn't get ridden every day.

    Mate, it should be fun, or you shouldn't do it - so make it fun again.
  5. Over the yeas I have lost quite a few good mates, riding ones, quite a few more in hospitals,
    Unfortunately. its like falling over your self in the street, you pick your self up and get on with your life,
    Its not easy, but it does diminish in time, But one thing, you will never forget,
  6. I understand your situtaion Tonee as I have been there :(
    I took it very easy on the roads and found that once I got my head sorted, my riding and confidence on the road got back to where it used to be.
    I chatted with people to let all of my thoughts and feelings that were circling inside me escape and also shed quite a few pints of tears.
    I suggest that you get your head right first and foremost as you need to be clear in mind whilst riding. You don't want mind distractions as well as having to deal with the general population on the roads.
    It will get better in time........ believe me............

  7. What he said. Take it easy, and just try to get on with your life's daily routine and give yourself time to adjust. It's not going to change over night and there's no real answer to how long it will take as everybody's different but yeah... time is what you need and i think in my opinion you need to sit down and just go through in your head all the good things about riding and let your self think of the lighter sides as you will probably be mostly thinking very negative at the moment... May or may not help.
  8. Tough question, and a sad situation.

    What I would offer is; go for a long, easy ride in the country. Quiet roads, no heroics. Avoid riding in traffic for a while where you can, even if it means taking the car. If you have to commute, give yourself plenty of time, take it easy and be relaxed and alert as possible.

    Hope it all works out for you.
  9. I'd concur with everybody's advice.

    Your mate's death has opened your eyes for a moment to a scary reality that we generally ignore in our emotions - the knife-edge vulnerability of our lives and well-being. Sanity is where, in our emotions, we forget this stuff, and walk around like 'it's not going to happen to me'.

    I remember last time I stood down a house inrtuder who threatened me. Afterwards I felt like a delusion had been shattered, and I had this acute feeling that at any moment somebody would walk in from the street, and that I was mad to ever assume emotionally that they wouldn't. After a while such shock or trauma just fades (unless it develops into a disorder, which is different from what you've described).

    I suspect your anxiety about riding, which is usually a kind of existential shock, will dissipate quicker than you expect. It's the grief that lingers.
  10. Sorry that you lost a friend. There's nothing cool about that but if you were try and take something from it, is that it shouldn't be in vain. Ride safe. It's not necessarily a bad thing you have become very cautious.

    Getting out of the city does sound like a good idea also. Traffic sucks.

  11. Ummmm...the way you are riding it and feeling it now, is much closer to the way you should be riding. Defensively, with a hightened level of alertness.
    (no..not being a smartarsk, seriously)
    Yes...i do understand that you are still grappling with the loss of your mate, and of course you may be overcautious, as a natural reaction to that, but you are closer to the correct mindset, especially in traffic, i reckon.

    Just take it easy for a while and honour your mate, by riding well, in his memory.
  12. truth be told mate, if your struggling with your ride for that reason you might want to consider giving up the daily commute via bike (if that is an option) while you give yourself a chance to get your focus back. In the meantime take yourself for a night time cruise down to the coast, see if that gives you some joy.

    My condolences.
  13. what lilley said +1
  14. without a doubt the best set of responses to a question that I have ever read in my time on Netrider (y)

    tonee, print out these words of wisdom (their's, not mine :LOL:) and read them once every day

    these things shall pass........
  15. tonee, i understand what you're going through, as the same thing happened to me once before. lost my confidence and didn't enjoy riding. i took a one week break, and then went for a casual ride on a really perfect day (warm, sun out etc). i got back into the right headspace and have become a much better ride for it.

    my focus is much heightened, and i now try to see each potential danger prior to them becoming anything. i've become more defensive, less hooning (but i still have my moments) and now try to ride without the rush i used to always be in.

    this will pass and if you continue riding or not, it's absolutely your choice.
  16. sorry for your loss. Last accident I had the next few months were all about when will it happen again. Every situation was amplified 50 times in my head. This is post traumatic stress. It takes time and lots of support. hang in there get your needs met through the people in your life that truly give a damn and be good to your self.
  17. if you're at uni go and see a counsellor. they are good at this stuff.
    also your mate didn't die commuting so relax a bit.
  18. Indeed, wise advice all round, Kneedragon especially.
    Take your time, and don't be so hard on yourself.
  19. I tend to agree with 'Titus...........
    It sounds like you are putting yourself under pressure at the moment to commute by bike, you dont like it.. and you have a recent tragedy in the back of your mind.......
    If you can, dont do it !!.........its a common human trait to not want to do something you do not like, and maybe its a tad early to force yourself into commuting amongst all that moving metal...........
    Get yourself out on the quieter roads and find what you liked about biking before, rekindle the faith so to speak.....
  20. There's no shame in hanging up the helmet Tonee, especially if you're not enjoying it.

    After all, why do we ride? Because we enjoy it.

    Take some time off, recentre yourself, do some other things you enjoy.

    I give it a week max before the craving comes & you're back on the bike, in the right headspace. :)