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No sex tonight

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Ljiljan, Oct 17, 2012.

  1. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

    I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
    “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
    to satisfy your physical needs as a man”.
    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
    I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
    She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
    Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
    I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey”.
    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
    dear, let’s go to the cashier”.

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
    like it”.

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled

    I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”.

    Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.
    • Like Like x 20
  2. Lol Good stuff
  3. TL;dr. Getting sex now...
  4. That's a good one! :p
  5. Lmao...Reminded me of this
    Husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

    The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.

    "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
    "They're on sale, only $25 for 24 cans" he replies
    "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $40 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

    "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

    "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."

    He never knew what hit him.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Lol & lol
  7. I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
    She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
    I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to those girls over there."
    • Like Like x 9
  8. ^^ I LOLd. :)
  9. Lol, lol and triple lol :D