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New with wife problems

Discussion in 'Welcome Lounge' started by Crossy85, Jun 18, 2015.

  1. G'day lads, been reading awhile but never found the time to join. Living in WA is like living in the 1800s. The closest thing to riding was a 50cc scooter I had in Darwin for awhile. I've always wanted a cruiser, then progress to a Harley and happiness would be mine......if my wife would let me. She is deadset against bikes but lately she has warmed up a bit to Harley's after watching Sons of Anarchy (bikers riding around shooting each other not a big selling point). She likes the design of cruisers and Harley's but currently has my balls in a pickle jar. So my question would be have many encountered this dilemma? And how did you deal with it? In saying this the only bikes I've ridden are the scooter and the thumpster, I'd like to start out on a cruiser just so I don't have to buy/sell/buy, any thoughts on this?
    Cheers guys.

  2. Welcome aboard :] book your learners then the day before your learners go & buy her the Sons of Anarchy box set by the time she's finished watching you'll have your learners & a bike sorted
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  3. #3 CraigA, Jun 18, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2015
    I find that where bikes are concerned, it's better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. I usually don't bother asking for forgiveness either now I come to think of it! Lol

    The last bike I bought, it was in the garage before she knew about it. All I got out of her was an eye roll. I have had a bike since I was 8 though, so they have been part of my life for much longer than she has, where you are taking up a new hobby. Perhaps you might have got more than an eye roll in similar circumstances. Lol
  4. I divorced her. Problem solved
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  5. Talk to Olmaid she recently grew a set.......

    Seriously though are you married to Miranda Kerr?

    Even then I'd make an arrangement that she would only be allowed to have my balls in her handbag for 4 hours a day lol

    Just go get your license and bring a bike home. You never know she might like the new dominant crossy!!!! :)
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  6. Welcome Crossy85! I was in a similar situation. I've had bikes for many years but due to financial and medical reasons decided to stop riding. Regretted that decision for years as my wife also was against bikes. She had a stroke and stopped venturing out, I became her carer. She softened and we came to an agreement that didn't entail a divorce. I am now happily riding around on a cruiser all be it a small one (it overcomes my medical restriction). Don't give up, keep chipping away and as CraigA said it is often easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Also you don't need liters to get the thrill of riding, 50cc's can do it for you.
  7. Book your learners course.
    On the day take her favourite beverage and tell her the good news.
    Go sit on some LAMS approved cruiser style bikes.
    Buy the bike and ride it home.
    Do something nice to her body, job done.
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  8. Take your balls out of the pickle jar, buy bike, tell wife to like it and smile, if she doesn't like it she will learn to like it.
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  9. Hey Crossy85Crossy85 yes the ole probs with the OH.
    Good luck.
    Oh and my new set I've grown (thanks @johnymac :p )
    Ask what her objections are..try discussing..then Just go do it.
    Seriously though, the bike was/can be a huge marital wedgie, pain in the arse for all concerned, still is.
    We had other things going on and I literally said fcuk it, i am doing something that I want to for me.
    I just went and booked my L course. 2weeks later had a ute pull up with the whinja strapped on and bike delivered.
    Put the gear on and took her for a spin in the pitch black dark!
    Came back, cooked dinner like nothing had happened. Got the stink eye and the silent treatment. And that was just from the dog.
    So I sat down and said look I am doing this because I have always wanted to. This is something for me.
    Never use the me word...I was told I was a selfish insane biatch and I wasn't being fair as he would be stuck looking after me when I come off. Cue lightening, thunder, fire and brimstone just here.:devil:
    So much for the sickness and in health part of the vows ...
    Place ugly ugly crap in this space and let's move on
    Any ways I have been riding just over 10 months..., I get asked now if I am riding to work tomorrow, and if weekend riding I now generally get a kiss goodbye, told to be careful and asked what time I'll be back. I am going on a full weekend away ride this weekend.
    I did get a sort of compliment about my old pac photo...

    The bike does get thrown into most arguments though...it is the other person...
    I have done HART courses as well and point out that I am always trying to improve my skills.
    So my next battle will be coming home with the next new bike in late November, oh and likely using the whinja to go do track work...but now I have grown a set, no wuckin forries! :D

    But if you try and make getting your bike something you can share...weekends away...day trips to nice spots etc. and it happens you have won the couples lottery ! :)
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  10. My Mrs was deadset against me riding. What did I do?

    Got my license and bought a bike. I kept her informed of what I was doing, but never 'asked' or looked for permission.

    Seriously though.....yeah marriage is a compromise, but you both need to still be yourselves and have fun on this crazy journey called life. The minute you don't, resentment will start burrowing a hole through your relationship. And of course she has now booked in for her license.

    Good luck with it all.

    P.S - the end result was the Mrs thinks I'm sexy as hell riding the bike.
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  11. #11 FatBoy_T, Jun 18, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2015
    It was eventually possible to get my wife to grudgingly agree that getting a bike was a good idea. I'd been working on her for about 9 years. I think what cracked it in the end was that she realised that several people she quite respected were riders or they recently became riders. She also bought the argument that it made economic sense as we needed another vehicle for a couple of days a week and cars cost too much to have sitting in the driveway. It was important to me that she was on board with the decision, but I suppose that's the kind of thing where YMMV.

    Welcome and good luck Crossy85Crossy85. I think it makes sense to learn on the kind of bike that appeals to you, and there are a few good LAMS cruiser options I think (though I have no experience with them).
  12. It really depends what the objections are, if it's "we can't afford a bike" then you have to do a budget to show you can. If it's "you'll get hurt" then you need to convince them you'll be as careful as possible (ATGATT and training courses help there) and if it's that they just hate motorbikes... well I don't really have a fix for that one :)
  13. Man I've got a good ladyfriend......The only thing stopping me from having more bikes in the garage is coin.
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  14. It makes me sad to hear things like this. Regardless of how she feels, how you feel is equally important and it’s a sign of trust and maturity to respect your decision. As adults we shouldn’t have to ask ‘permission’. My husband doesn’t ride, but he didn’t bat an eye when I finally said, “I want a motorbike’. His response was ‘How can I help?’ If he told me he wanted to fly to the moon, my response would be the same.

    Getting hard assed about may get you a bike, but could cause problems later. Regardless of whether you are male or female, there just comes a time to acknowledge you’re an adult fully capable of taking responsibility and making decisions based on what is right by you.

    Gosh, good luck with it all. It just makes my head spin to hear how partners assume parenting roles rather than just being a partner. Men and women. I would fully expect you to afford her the same respect as well but don’t confuse it with compensating for getting a motorbike, or she may just use it as an excuse to pickle your tackle as well. Live it.
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  15. My thoughts:

    1) Treat her the same way you want her to treat you. If you go with the ol "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission approach" then don't be suprpised if she responds back with the same.

    2) Your marriage is more important than any bike or anything else. It should come first. In saying that, you shouldn't have to be walked on, bossed around, etc. It's not healthy (with or without a bike) for a woman to be dominant and forceful in a relationship. Marriage should be equal. If you want your marriage to continue well, this needs to be addressed. Whether it be counseling or whether you can just sit and talk to her amicably about your concerns - but address this issue, otherwise a bike's going to be the least of your issues...

    3) Be willing to exchange. If you want a bike, maybe there's somethings he wants as well. Negotiate. Work together instead of against each other. Address issues of concerns head on. Let her 'win' when you win as well.

    4) Be considerate of her concerns. Find out what they are, and address them. You may need to make some compromises, show her your serious about safety, etc.

    5) See if you can get her involved or find some 'benefits' that she will get out of it too.
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  16. My dog gives me the sad eyes when I put my riding gear on, I now have a box of treats in the garage, give her one before I shut the roller door, things all good then:happy:
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  17. Do you think the garage and treats will work with Mr Cranky pants PompyPompy? ;)
  18. You never know, my dog now looks forward to me going for a ride, in fact she runs to the garage tail wagging when I put my gear on ;)
  19. What this ^^ guy said, don't ever be a door mat. But don't ever treat anyone else like a door mat either.
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  20. This.

    Now, it's different if you rode a motorcycle before getting married and they now want you to stop.