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New Math

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by bass_player, Apr 10, 2006.

  1. ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

    Smart man + smart woman = romance

    Smart man + dumb woman = affair

    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

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    OFFICE ARITHMETIC



    Smart boss + smart employee = profit

    Smart boss + dumb employee = production

    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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    SHOPPING MATH



    A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

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    GENERAL EQUATIONS &STATISTICS



    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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    HAPPINESS



    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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    LONGEVITY



    Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

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    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE



    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

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    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE



    A woman has the last word in any argument.



    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
     
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  2. I like the last one heheh
    :shock: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :roll:
     
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  3. Yes indeed

    Why do husbands die before their wives??


    Because they want to!
     
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  4. hahaha
    how true :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
     
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  5. Wizard of Id on the same subject.

    Wiz and Blanche are lying in bed together.

    Blanche: "Wiz, if I die, will you marry again?"

    Wiz: "If you DON'T die, I'll marry again."
     
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  6. How true :LOL:
     
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  7. :LOL: :LOL:
    I will have to try that last one myself
     
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