My Dear husband, I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you. I’ve been a good wife to you over the last 20 years but I have nothing to show for it, and the last two weeks were the final straw. First your boss called to say you had quit your job for no reason. Then Last week you came home & didn’t even notice that I had a new hair style or that I had cooked your favourite meal and was wearing a new sexy nightie. You just ate your dinner then went straight to sleep after watching Top Gear on the T.V. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex any more or anything else that connects us as a couple, either your cheating on me or just don’t love me either way I’m gone Your Ex Wife P.S. Don’t try to find me or change my mind I’m moving to Tasmania with your brother who notices when I do things. Have a great life. My Dear Ex Wife Nothing has made me happier than receiving your letter. Whilst it’s true that you and I have been married for 20 years I Hesitate to say that you’ve been a good woman for all that time. The reason I watch so much T.V. especially Top Gear is in the hope that the noise of the engines drowns out your constant bitching and moaning. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore. I did notice that you had done your hair but the 1st thing that came to mind was that it made you look like a boy and since I was raised not to say something if you can’t say something nice I didn’t comment and when you cooked my favourite meal I thought you must have me confused with my brother as I haven’t eaten prawns in 7 years, as for the nightie I turned away cause the price tag showing $299 was still on the back and I was praying that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning. After all of this I still loved you and wanted to work it out, so when I won the $50 Million Powerball last Thursday night I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Paris, but when I got home you were gone and only the letter remained. Oh well everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted with my brother. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me. Love your rich free Ex husband P.S. The reason Carl notices all those things about you is because he was born Carla, I hope thats not a problem.