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New Cruiser to rival HD

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by incitatus, Feb 14, 2006.

  1. (Shamelessly stolen from another forum)

    "At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson
    Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other
    recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight
    cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head
    with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

    Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, "We
    have studied the market and determined that Harley, while
    highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when
    targeting motorcycle buyers". Long added, "We at Johnson
    are convinced that our product hits the target dead center
    and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a
    way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish".

    The new line of bikes, marketed under the name Big Johnson
    Motorcycles, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley
    has only promised. "Our research show that a Big
    Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after".

    At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current
    Harley owners agreed. "When I bought my Harley, what I
    really needed was a Big Johnson," said one Harley owner.
    "But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for
    having a Big Johnson."

    Manager Long also said that his company would follow the
    lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for
    non-motorcycle related products. "We realize that not every
    guy can have a Big Johnson," said Long, "But image is very
    important to people. If they don't have a Big Johnson, they
    at least want to project the image of having one."

    Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the
    hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. "I just
    don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big
    Johnson," he said. "And I can't imagine someone who spends
    all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big
    Johnson. I think it boils down to this - You either have a
    Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely
    to have both." "Given the choice," said Long, "I think most
    guys will opt for the Big Johnson."

    Another force driving sales for the company will come from
    women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly
    1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5%
    would approve of their partner spending $15,000 on a Harley
    Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay
    the same amount of money to get their partner a Big
    Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well

    One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as
    saying, "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 15 grand on
    another one of those Harleys, but 15 grand to get him a Big
    Johnson? Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and
    it's something he really needs."

    Carla Roundheel, manager of the dealership network now
    being established, said her motto is simple. "I service
    what we sell." Big Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on
    the New York stock exchange under the abbreviation PNSNV
  2. big johnson sounds like a new name for a hard on(hey honey roll over I have a BIG JOHNSON)
  3. That's quite funny incitatus!! :grin: :grin:
    you think so?? :wink:
  4. OMFG

    Sean & Bikie.... Dear Oh dear.

    I've already got a BIG JOHNSON, (refer to my post in Bikies welcome thread) so I'm not worried...
  5. Subtlety is wasted on some of this crowd, Inci!
  6. Fark some people are slow, LMAO
  7. no oh dear here pete why you think I posted that reply :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:
  8. my wife has!!!
  9. goodone... kinda got obvious after a paragraph or two.
  10. boom tish !!
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  11. By all accounts you may have already ridden several... :LOL:
  12. buhahahah! big johnson! gotta love the name.
    Harley announces new engine for 2006 model year Motocycle News - Richard Cranium
    Harley Davidson announced that in it will introduce the newest model of engine to their lineup, the DKH D1ck Super Single. Where the engine differs is in design. It will be a massive, eighty eight cubic inch single cylinder air cooled motor supported on twin ball bearing mounts for maximum rigidity. The shape of the valve cover is instantly both easily recognizable and unforgettable. Of course, it will be shaft driven for the final drive.
    "It's definitely a work of art." Miriam Baxter said, looking at the test model. "I get excited on so many levels just looking at it."
    When asked about the new changes in design philosophy, a spokesman at the Motor Company said we wanted to give the customers something they could really relate to. We think that the new D1ck really represents our traditional, core buyers and what they look for in a Harley Davidson product.
    When asked why the company has gone to a single cylinder model, we were told that vibration was far less than the older V-twin model even though the D1ck still has all the power of the classic V-twin which it will eventually replace in the years to come. The sound of the new engine is somewhat different as well, being only a single cylinder, but the exhaust pipe is chrome plated and rather huge with one tester even referring to it as veiny in nature. Our test model was evidently a press beater, and the chrome pipe showed signs of blueing through constant flogging.
    And what does the new D1ck engine sound like?
    Where the classic sound of the old engine was similar to ˜potato-potato", Said a HD design team spokesman, this new engine sounds more like ˜unf-unf" and it only gets faster in tempo the more you get down on it.
    "There's just something about this new engine." One test rider commented. "I can't really explain, but when I hop on this thing, I know it's going to be a great ride."
    The new D1ck will take its place among the ranks of other notable Harley engines such as the Knucklehead, the Panhead, and the Shovelhead. The spokesman added, we believe the D1ck is really going to fill some holes in the market.
    Most of the current models will receive a new D1ck engine as will a yet unnamed new model. Our inside sources say that the mystery model is probably going to be a D1ck paired with an entry level Sportster, which really won't be all that surprising.
    At first, look for a slow trickle of D1cks to start showing up at the dealerships as the company closes down its hundredth anniversary celebration and ramps up for full production of the new models. Corporate sources also tell us that soon after that, all of the dealerships should be chock full of D1cks.
    "It will be standing room only when all of the D1cks hit the sales floor." A spokesperson commented.
    "The Harley D1ck. It's what we're going to base our new corporate sales policy around. We're totally committed to getting all the D1cks we can into our dealerships." The company spokesman said. "That's where we're really going to see a jump in profit, from sales made off of all of the D1cks." The Harley Davidson D1ck. If you haven't seen one yet, just stop by your local Harley Davidson dealership where you'll find plenty on display
  14. That was bloody funny! Now just how do I ask Mrs 2wheels?
  15. :roll: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  16. like logic and good thinking is wasted on you :LOL:
  17. Wow, way to labour a weak joke. :roll:
  18. Ive sat on one, but didnt like it much.. :p