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New Computer Virus

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Milos, Oct 7, 2005.

  1. A new computer virus is spreading throughout the Internet.
    Named Strunkenwhite, after the authors of a classic guide to good
    writing, it returns e-mail messages that have grammatical or
    spelling errors. It is deadly accurate in its detection
    abilities, unlike the spell-checkers that come with
    word-processing programs.

    The virus is causing something akin to panic throughout
    corporate America, which has become used to the typos,
    misspellings, missing words and mangled syntax so acceptable in

    The CEO of LoseItAll.com, an Internet startup,said the virus has
    rendered him helpless. "Each time I tried to send one particular
    e-mail this morning, I got back this error message: 'You
    dependent clause preceding your independent clause must be set
    off by commas, but one must not precede the conjunction.' I
    threw my laptop across the room."

    A top executive at a telecommunications and long-distance
    company, 10-10-10-10-10-10-123, said: "This morning, the same
    damned e-mail kept coming back to me with a pesky notation
    claiming I needed to use a pronoun's possessive case before a
    gerund. With the number of e-mails I crank out each day, who has
    time for proper grammar?"

    A broker at Begg, Barow and Steel speculated that the hacker who
    created Strunkenwhite was a "disgruntled English major who
    couldn't make it on a trading floor. When you're buying and
    selling on margin, I don't think it's anybody's business if I
    write that 'i meetinged through the morning, then cinched the
    deal on the cel phone while bareling down the xway.'"

    Strunkenwhite is particularly difficult to detect because it
    doesn't come as an e-mail attachment. Instead, it is disguised
    within the text of an e-mail titled "Congratulations on your pay
    raise." The message asks the recipient to "click here to find
    out about how your raise effects your pension." The use of
    "effects" rather than the grammatically correct "affects"
    appears to be an inside joke from Strunkenwhite's mischievous

    The virus has left government e-mail systems in disarray.
    Officials at the Office of Management and Budget can no longer
    transmit electronic versions of federal regulations because
    their highly technical language seems to run afoul of
    Strunkenwhite's dictum that "vigorous writing is concise."

    The White House speechwriting office reported that it had
    received the same message, along with a caution to avoid phrases
    such as "the truth is" and "in fact." The virus can have an
    even more devastating impact if it infects an entire network. A
    cable news operation was forced to shut down its computer system
    for several hours when i discovered that Strunkenwhite had
    somehow infiltrated its TelePrompTer software, delaying
    newscasts and leaving news anchors nearly tongue-tied as they
    wrestled with proper sentence structure.

    Meanwhile, bookstores and online booksellers reported a surge in
    orders for Strunk & White's "The Elements of Style."

  2. Oh My Dog...if you ran that over all existing netrider thread's, I don't think a single one would survive.
  3. Very clever!
  4. I'll be OK. I writing heaps gooder than I used to did. :D