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Never say to a cop

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by movin, Mar 30, 2006.

  1. Never say to a cop

    1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
    2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
    3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
    4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 kph to keep up with me. Good job!
    5. Are You Chief Wiggum or Lou?
    6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
    7. You're not gonna check the boot, are you?
    8. I pay your salary!
    9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
    10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
    11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
    cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
    12. When the Officer says "Gee .Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
  2. Not sure if I'm allowed to say this...

    but what about:
    "I Haven't had a C%#t all night drinkstable" :LOL:
  3. That's funny I'd love to try it someday :LOL:
  4. rofl
    thats gold
  5. Hell, they are friggin funny :LOL: :LOL:

    Reminds me of a bloke I know, wouldn't call him a friend coz he is a prize ballbag..anyway, he got stuck in a paddy wagon at Schoolies, with another bloke, so both of them gave a rousing rendition of, "Queensland Cops, they really know how to lose their jobs, they let the prostitutes gobble their knobs..."

    As for "haven't had a c*&t all day drinkstable, the same bloke reckons he said it after being pulled up while trashed...but I can't say I believe a word he says, considering he said he made up the quote "I climbed Mt Druitt" when asked what his greatest achievement was. Problem is I saw that quote on a t-shirt years before :shock: :LOL: . What a tosser.
  6. Dont you feel odd when you are aat the cricket and you are the only one singing "you're goin home in the back of the paddy wagon" ?

  7. How about

    "Sorry officer - I was in a rush to get out of the neighbourhood because your wife told me you were on your way home and by the time I picked up all my clothes off the floor........"
  8. "I was'nt speeding officer, i was qualifying. So can you please make this quick because your costing me precious time.
  9. 13. I'd like to kill you and your family...
  10. "I'm not as thunk as some drinkle peep I am!"

    [i always flub that one when I'm drunk and trying to say it]
  11. 13. "Of course I'm driving, I'm too f*@&ed up to walk!"
  12. 13. (as copper reads your name of licence) Hmmm, it sounded huskier, sort of low down and dirty when your wife last said it....but yes officer, that is me..
  13. Hows about
    "But occifer theres no blood in my alchohol system!?"
  14. i got pulled over for being in the right lane of a highway for too long, i cracked the shits with her attitude and said "yeah, keep going.. whats your badge number"
    to which she replied "do you want a fcukin canary too smart arse?"
    "yep, as long as i have your badge number"
    didn't go down to well, got a major canary. but hopefully she was shitting herself for a few weeks.
  15. but did she give u her badge number?
  16. after she tried to pull the ol' "vic police don't have badge numbers, MATE", i finally got it off her.

    didn't do anything with it, just wanted to bluff her into a bit of a sweat.