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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by smileedude, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. Every now and again someone (usually Lilley) posts something rather nerdy in the funny pics. A revenge of the nerd style debate rages for a couple pages and then the normal people get the shits. So here's a place for all the nerdy funny stuff where we can rage on in peace.

    I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with http://xkcd.com/ or at least seen some of the comics. Well there is now xkcd what if http://what-if.xkcd.com/. Solutions to ridiculous hypotheticals. These have been great so I will share my favorites.

    A Mole of Moles

    What would happen if you were to gather a mole(unit of measurement) of moles(the small furry critter) in one place?

    —Sean Rice

    Things get a bit gruesome.

    First, some definitions. A mole is a unit. It’s not a typical unit, though. It’s really just a number—like “dozen” or “billion.” If you have a mole of something, it means you have 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 of them (usually written 6.022×10 23 ). It’s such a big number because it’s used for counting numbers of molecules, which there are a lot of.

    "One mole" is close to the number of atoms in a gram of hydrogen. It’s also, by chance, a decent ballpark guess for the number of grains of sand on Earth.

    A mole is also a type of burrowing mammal. There are a handful of types of moles, and some of them are truly horrifying.

    So what would a mole of moles—602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 animals—look like?

    Let’s start with a wild ballpark approximation. This is the kind of thing that might go through my head before I even pick up a calculator, when I’m just trying to get a sense of the quantities:

    I can pick up a mole (animal) and throw it.[Citation needed] Anything I can throw weighs one pound. One pound is one kilogram. The number 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 looks about twice as long as a trillion, which means it’s about a trillion trillion. I happen to know that a trillion trillion kilograms is how much a planet weighs.

    … if anyone asks, I did not tell you it was ok to do math like this.

    That’s enough to tell us that we’re talking about pile of moles on the scale of planets. It’s a pretty rough estimate, though, since it could be off by a factor of thousands in either direction.

    Let’s get some better numbers.

    An eastern mole (Scalopus aquaticus) weighs about 75 grams, which means a mole of moles weighs

    (6.022×10 23 )×75g≈4.52×10 22 kg

    That’s a little over half the mass of our moon.

    Mammals are largely water. A kilogram of water takes up a liter of volume, so if the moles weigh 4.52×10 22 kilograms, they take up about 4.52×10 22 liters of volume. You might notice that we’re ignoring the pockets of space between the moles. In a moment, you’ll see why.

    The cube root of 4.52×10 22 liters is 3,562 kilometers, which means we’re talking about a sphere with a radius of 2,210 kilometers, or a cube 2,213 miles on each edge. (That’s a neat coincidence I’ve never noticed before—a cubic mile happens to be almost exactly 4 3 π cubic kilometers, so a sphere with a radius of X kilometers has the same volume as a cube that’s X miles on each side.)

    If these moles were released onto the Earth’s surface, they’d fill it up to 80 kilometers deep—just about to the (former) edge of space:

    This smothering ocean of high-pressure meat would wipe out most life on the planet, which could—to reddit’s horror—threaten the integrity of the DNS system. So doing this on Earth is definitely not an option.

    Instead, let’s gather the moles in interplanetary space. Gravitational attraction would pull them into a sphere. Meat doesn’t compress very well, so it would only undergo a little bit of gravitational contraction, and we’d end up with a mole planet a bit larger than the moon.

    The moles would have a surface gravity about one-sixteenth as strong as Earth’s—similar to that of Pluto. The planet would start off uniformly lukewarm—probably a bit over room temperature—and the gravitational contraction would heat the deep interior by a handful of degrees.

    But this is where it gets weird.

    The mole planet is now a giant sphere of meat. It has a lot of latent energy (there are enough calories in the mole planet to support the Earth’s current population for 30 billion years). Normally, when organic matter decomposes, it releases much of that energy as heat. But throughout the majority of the planet’s interior, the pressure is over a hundred megapascals, which is enough to kill all bacteria and sterilize the mole remains—leaving no microorganisms to break down the mole tissues.

    Closer to the surface, where the pressure is lower, there’s another obstacle to decomposition—the interior of a mole planet is low in oxygen. Without oxygen, the usual decomposition doesn’t happen, and the only bacteria that can break down the moles are those which don’t require oxygen. While inefficient, this anaerobic decomposition can unlock quite a bit of heat. If continued unchecked, it would heat the planet to a boil.

    But the decomposition is self-limiting. Few bacteria can survive at temperatures above about 60 °C, so as the temperature goes up, the bacteria die off, and the decomposition slows. Throughout the planet, the mole bodies gradually break down into kerogen, a mush of organic matter which would—if the planet were hotter—eventually form oil.

    The outer surface of the planet radiates heat into space and freezes. Because the moles form a literal fur coat, when frozen it insulates the interior of the planet and slows the loss of heat to space. However, the flow of heat in the liquid interior is dominated by convection. Plumes of hot meat and bubbles of trapped gases like methane—along with the air from the lungs of the deceased moles—periodically rise through the mole crust and erupt volcanically from the surface, a geyser of death blasting mole bodies free of the planet.

    Eventually, after centuries or millennia turmoil, the planet calms and cools enough that it began to freeze all the way through. The deep interior is under such high pressure that as it cools, the water crystallizes out into exotic forms of ice such as ice III and ice V, and eventually ice II and ice IX (no relation).

    All told, this is a pretty bleak picture. Let’s try an alternate approach.

    I don’t have any reliable numbers for global mole population (or small mammal biomass in general), but we’ll take a shot in the dark and estimate that there are at least a few dozen mice, rats, voles, and other small mammals for every human.

    There might be a billion habitable planets in our galaxy. If we colonized them, we’d certainly bring mice and rats with us. If just one in a hundred were populated with small mammals in numbers similar to Earth’s, after a few million years—not long, in evolutionary time—the total number which have ever lived would surpass Avogadro’s number.

    If you want a mole of moles, build a spaceship.

    Relativistic Baseball

    What would happen if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90% the speed of light?

    - Ellen McManis

    Let’s set aside the question of how we got the baseball moving that fast. We'll suppose it's a normal pitch, except in the instant the pitcher releases the ball, it magically accelerates to 0.9c. From that point onward, everything proceeds according to normal physics.:

    The answer turns out to be “a lot of things”, and they all happen very quickly, and it doesn’t end well for the batter (or the pitcher). I sat down with some physics books, a Nolan Ryan action figure, and a bunch of videotapes of nuclear tests and tried to sort it all out. What follows is my best guess at a nanosecond-by-nanosecond portrait:

    The ball is going so fast that everything else is practically stationary. Even the molecules in the air are stationary. Air molecules vibrate back and forth at a few hundred miles per hour, but the ball is moving through them at 600 million miles per hour. This means that as far as the ball is concerned, they’re just hanging there, frozen.

    The ideas of aerodynamics don’t apply here. Normally, air would flow around anything moving through it. But the air molecules in front of this ball don’t have time to be jostled out of the way. The ball smacks into them so hard that the atoms in the air molecules actually fuse with the atoms in the ball’s surface. Each collision releases a burst of gamma rays and scattered particles.

    These gamma rays and debris expand outward in a bubble centered on the pitcher’s mound. They start to tear apart the molecules in the air, ripping the electrons from the nuclei and turning the air in the stadium into an expanding bubble of incandescent plasma. The wall of this bubble approaches the batter at about the speed of light—only slightly ahead of the ball itself.

    The constant fusion at the front of the ball pushes back on it, slowing it down, as if the ball were a rocket flying tail-first while firing its engines. Unfortunately, the ball is going so fast that even the tremendous force from this ongoing thermonuclear explosion barely slows it down at all. It does, however, start to eat away at the surface, blasting tiny particulate fragments of the ball in all directions. These fragments are going so fast that when they hit air molecules, they trigger two or three more rounds of fusion.

    After about 70 nanoseconds the ball arrives at home plate. The batter hasn't even seen the pitcher let go of the ball, since the light carrying that information arrives at about the same time the ball does. Collisions with the air have eaten the ball away almost completely, and it is now a bullet-shaped cloud of expanding plasma (mainly carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, and nitrogen) ramming into the air and triggering more fusion as it goes. The shell of x-rays hits the batter first, and a handful of nanoseconds later the debris cloud hits.

    When it reaches the batter, the center of the cloud is still moving at an appreciable fraction of the speed of light. It hits the bat first, but then the batter, plate, and catcher are all scooped up and carried backward through the backstop as they disintegrate. The shell of x-rays and superheated plasma expands outward and upward, swallowing the backstop, both teams, the stands, and the surrounding neighborhood—all in the first microsecond.

    Suppose you’re watching from a hilltop outside the city. The first thing you see is a blinding light, far outshining the sun. This gradually fades over the course of a few seconds, and a growing fireball rises into a mushroom cloud. Then, with a great roar, the blast wave arrives, tearing up trees and shredding houses.

    Everything within roughly a mile of the park is leveled, and a firestorm engulfs the surrounding city. The baseball diamond is now a sizable crater, centered a few hundred feet behind the former location of the backstop.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. yeah good idea - keep this stuff locked and secured away from normal people in case of infection
  3. LOL. This is the same kind of nonsense that did the rounds when trains were invented - the human body would turn to jelly at 40kph.

    To an object travelling at 90% of the speed of light, air is a solid obstacle. Why would this plasma baseball suddenly explode just because it came in contact with some different molecules?

    More likely the baseball would go through the bat, through the catcher... and if it doesn't hit anything else the baseball will fall to earth at 9.8m/s^-2 for precisely 1 poofteenth of second as it continues to travel on a tangent to the earth at say 200,000,000,000m/s^-2 (60% speed of light) and disappear into space.

    Exploding baseball my ass. What a nerd.
  4. Knock yourselves out!

    I'm outta here.......
  5. Amusing but fundamentally flawed. A mole is specifically defined as measure of elemental entities, and can not therefore be applied to complex structures such as mammals.

    And yes, I really did have to point that out.
  6. what's the speed of dark?
    • Like Like x 2
  7. One day...
  8. Really?
  9. I think he means in relation to ball park estimates that could be out by factors of thousands they are essentially the same.

    But yes I had a problem with that too.