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Need to fart??....

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Tweetster, Aug 3, 2009.

  1. I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.

    The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

  2. Hmmm. I should start trying to imitate songs with my farts - that would be awesome.
  3. ..well...you do manage to talk through you arse!!..... :rofl:
  4. Do you have a breath mint?
  5. ...I ain't gonna touch that one!!...... =;
  6. I wouldn't want to be around for the guitar solo.
  7. so that was the squirming around you was doin at wisemans ferry pub then
  8. ...Nnooooooooooooo!!!! :p
  9. You could start with Wuthering Farts.

    Or Push It.

    A man's wife calls him and tells him to come straight home after work because she has a big surprise for him. When he gets home she meets him at the front door to blindfold him, then leads him inside. Just then the phone rings in the other room, so she sits him down and tells him to wait until she gets back and not to take the blindfold off.

    He really needs to cut one, so while she's out of the room he lets rip. Then another again a few moments later, but this one's an eye-waterer which he proudly chuckles to himself about as he fans the air around him with his hands to try to disperse the fallout. Giggling as quietly as possible to himself yet more about his little clandestine performance, he lets a third and final one go, and a real prize-winner it is too.

    He spends the next minute or so sitting and fanning the air all around him furiously, then hears his wife in the next room finishing up on the phone.

    She comes back into the room, pleased that he has kept the blindfold on, and asks him if he's ready to see his special treat. Then she takes the blind off and he sees:

    Twelve dinner guests seated around the table.
  10. If there's anything that just about rips me in two (laughter, that it !) is using a public toilet cubicle, minding my own business..when all of a sudden, in a huff and puff, someone smashes open another cubicle door, in their last seconds of extreme desperation...loud cursing and trombone repertoires overpowering zipper sounds.
    Of course, some make it...with the sigh of relief (just) being heard over a bombdrop, tsunami-splash sounds, followed by bass/trumpet/saxaphonic grand finale that would make even the great Khamal proud himself !
    What puts the ...erm..'icing' on the cake ? An old cobber in a cubicle the other side of 'Mr Trombone', says " Good onya son ! "

    I almost passed out holding onto my dying laughter ! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: