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My partner doesn't want me to ride again

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' at netrider.net.au started by Pobblebonk, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. Hiya! It's been a while!

    So um... I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with #2, and I haven't ridden my bike since I was about 10 weeks pregnant.

    My partner however, doesn't ever want me to get back on my bike, can't understand why I would want to, doesn't see the need, wants me to sell my bike, thinks it's too dangerous and there's too much risk, etc, etc.

    Me: well, I can't understand why he thinks it would be okay to tell me I can't do something, and I don't see why I can't ride my bike after the baby is born. I don't tell him what to do [he smokes, he knows I don't like it, I don't tell him he can't, etc]

    What do you guys think?

    Is it different because I'm a female?
  2. Doesn't want to be left with the sole parenting job if you buy the farm out on your bike.
  3. Tell him to get over it.

    Its your life, your passion.
  4. #4 bulby, Nov 29, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2015
    Happens to many, I guess.

    My dad stopped riding for good when mum got pregnant for the first time. And an uncle of mine stopped riding when my cousin was born.
  5. I strongly suspect that however he phrases it, it's HIS situation he's concerned about, not your's.

    I can't tell you how to conduct your relationships, but I'd be still riding....
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  6. He's concerned for your safety and the wellbeing of your family but not enough to quit smoking, which has a Much higher chance of killing him than your riding has of killing you.

    Tell him that giving up the bike will have a seriously negative affect on your libido.
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  7. No, I know of quite a few men who end up selling their bikes because of the wife's fears and persistent nagging to stop. People who have their own motives for you not riding will also try and manipulate you into being afraid of riding too - watch out for that one.

    He knew the deal when he got together with you (assuming you were already riding).
  8. No.

    Shouldn't be anyway.

    And I agree with Hornet on this one.
  9. So should he give up riding becasue of the risks and the possibility of leaving you a single parent?
  10. Tell him to give up smoking first. It is much more dangerous and the skill and attention of the smoker does not change the chances of getting cancer or dying of cardiovascular diseases. I remember reading a statistic somewhere that smokers are 10 times more likely to die between 30 and 40 than non-smokers. That is deaths from ALL causes.
  11. He doesn't ride.
  12. Hiya pb.

    I suspect if you have riding in your heart and are denied getting a leg over in years to come, it will set up a corner of your heart with a resentment. Can you personally on a deep internal level work your way through to accepting such a decision and the consequences? Every time a rider splits you or you spy a bike in the hills, what's the internal reaction going to be?

    It has to be your decision.

    Four wheels moves the body, two wheels moves the soul.

    Good luck with your decision PB and good luck on number two. Congratz. :)
  13. That's what I pointed out when my other half started giving hints that she wasn't keen on the bike
  14. Well it's not fair that you give up something he sees as dangerous unless he gives up something that you see as dangerous.
    So make him a deal, you will give up riding if he gives up smoking. But don't sell your bike just as soon as he promises to quit.
    If you do manage to come to this agreement, I seriously doubt that he will be able to resist smoking for the full time it will take for him to be free of the addiction.
    So try this: Every time you catch him sneaking a ciggy or find out about it from someone else, gear up, hop on the bike and go for a ride. Make sure you tell all your and his friends that he is not allowed to smoke!
    And if he won't agree to this, it's simple, you don't agree to not riding.
  15. Yep. People trying to change who you are is bad m'kay.
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  16. People should never try to change other people, because it always leads to unhappiness. He will try to instill all his fears into you about being left to fend for the children alone but, smoking is far more deadly than riding. I wish you well, its a tough situation to be in. My first husband stopped me doing things I loved, I hated the control, and it did lead to problems. You need an outlet and break away from the kids now and again, but your partner really seems dead set against you riding, so I think you really need to stand your ground on this one if its something you really want to do. Hes seeing the world only through his own eyes without considering it all from your viewpoint.
  17. I don't think I'd be calling his bluff. But I'd be going down the 'love me, love my bike' path.
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  18. With due respect to all concerned, your primary responsibility is to the child, not your partner, who has equal duty of care (at least after you finish breast feeding).

    If you can live with the responsibility, and risk (such as it is), then that is good enough. It is for me, in my situation. It's your decision, and yours alone.
  19. This is the worst piece of advise I have ever seen!

    Relationships are not about blackmailing or conditions.. the old if you dont .. then I'll... will never work!!!
    Its about respect and trust. If he does not respect that you love riding and want to continue to do so then you really need to address that.

    Blackmail and condition setting only makes people bitter and resentful
  20. I don't think I could 'teach him a lesson' or 'tit for tat' by going down the path of jumping on the bike when he lights up - nor would I ask him to give up smoking for me. That never works with smokers anyway - they need to give up for themselves, and some people just like smoking... Besides, I have stopped riding whilst pregnant for me, not for him. Riding while pregnant doesn't make me feel comfortable.

    Robsalvv - thanks for the congrats. :) And yes, I get that now. I'm still looking at all the riders, makes me miss it, even the squids! I wouldn't just feel resentment, I would feel controlled.