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More handy camping tips

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by folma, Jun 12, 2005.

  1. Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over
    an open fire.

    When smoking a fish, never inhale.

    A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm.
    A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between
    your toes.

    You'll never be awakened by the call of a loon if you have an unlisted

    While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy
    Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as
    a tiny canoe paddle.

    Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to
    stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch,
    however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness

    Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
    Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.

    You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the
    south side of your compass.

    You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into
    a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

    When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something
    to wipe your nose on.

    You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by
    running over it with your car.

    Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine
    a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do
    not go into the woods alone.

    A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

    A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.
    A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent cricket ball

    You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then
    breathing on a pile of dry sticks.

    In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting
    small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your

    The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent

    A large carp can be used for a pillow.

    Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be
    worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."

    The sight of a wedge tail eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The
    sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

    It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
    mountain road behind a large motor home.

    A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos
    of politicians for toilet paper.

    In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
    strangle a snoring tent mate.

  2. You probably noticed that building a campfire was not included in my camping Hints. That’s because it deserves it’s own special page,


    1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

    2. Bandage left thumb.

    3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments

    4. Bandage left foot.

    5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)

    6. Light Match

    7. Light Match

    8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.

    9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into
    base of fire.

    10. Apply burn cream to nose.

    11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.

    12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for
    more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."

    13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

    14. Relabel can to read "Petrol."

    15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

    16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps.
  3. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    when i'd just joined scouts, we had one of the older scouts showing us how to chop kindling. got a bit too into explaining the finer points to us i think cos he managed almost cut his thumb off, it held on by a sliver of skin :LOL: