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Monday Morning Funny (late cos of Liz's birthday)

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pvda, Jun 14, 2005.

  1. Human Stupidity

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sear's hairdryer:
    "Do not use while sleeping."
    (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

    On a bag of Fritos:
    "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
    (The shoplifter special)

    On a bar of Dial soap:
    "Directions: Use like regular soap."
    (And that would be how ...?)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners:
    "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    (But its "just" a suggestion)

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
    "Do not turn upside down."
    (Too late!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    "Product will be hot after heating."
    (As night follows day . . .)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
    "Do not iron clothes on body."
    (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

    On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
    "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (One would hope.)

    On most brands of Christmas lights:
    "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (As opposed to what?)

    On a Japanese food processor:
    "Not to be used for other uses."
    (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts:
    "Warning: contains nuts."
    (Talk about a news flash.)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    ( Step 3: Fly Qantas.)

    On a child's superman costume:
    "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

    My personal favourite On a Swedish chainsaw:
    "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My Goodness!)

    Feel free to add any more you can think of.................
  2. This is just a merry little adventure the translator had with the Swedish word for extremities

    One of my favourites, from a kitchen knife made in Korea with handy English instructions

    "Please keep out of children"