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Monday Funny - What your Doctor is really trying to tell you

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by pvda, Jan 23, 2006.

  1. One for the many medical professionals who frequent this site......

    What the doctor says: "This should be taken care of right away."
    What the doctor is thinking: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

    What the doctor says: "Welllllll, what have we here?"
    What the doctor is thinking: He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

    "Let me check your medical history."
    I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

    "We have some good news and some bad news."
    The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

    "Let's see how it develops."
    Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

    "Let me schedule you for some tests."
    I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

    "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
    I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

    "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
    I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

    "This may hurt a little."
    Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

    "This should fix you up."
    The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

    "There is a lot of that going around."
    That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this.

    "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
    I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.
  2. Who hasn't suspected any or all of these at some stage or other? Good list, Paul!
  3. i think i've had every one of them at some stage.

    "This will hurt a little" anly if your already anaethatised and comatose!!
  4. Q: Are you experiencing morning stiffness?...

    A: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    Statement: I think I'm going to refer you to someone else.

    A: (Open to interpretation) :wink:
  5. The RECEPTIONIST says this as she reaches for your wallet :LOL:
  6. That's a secondary operation called a "Cashectomy".