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Monday Funny - Blokes Rules

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pvda, Oct 2, 2005.

  1. Yes it's early, I've got to go to Portland & back tomorrow so won't be able to do it as usual. I'm pretty sure I've posted this before but I don't care it's sooooo true.........

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!

    1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

    1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

    1. You have enough clothes!

    1. You have too many shoes!

    1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
    No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

    1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
  2. Would have been funny no matter what day you posted it. I particularly liked Number 1 :D:
    PS, you owe us TWO Friday Funnies next Friday.....
  3. It's funny coz it's true ;)

    If my last ex-girlfriend read and come to terms with all of that, I'm sure we'd have had a better relationship before I left her ;)

  4. Hehe..
    I tried a few of those on my wife..
    Don't think it helped at all, in fact, if she'd known that I was trying out an internet joke on her when she angry, I'd be dead :))
  5. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    i actually use this line all the time :LOL: