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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Coltrane, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. These have been posted in some form or another twice before, in 06 and 07. I reckon they are worthy of another gig in 2008 so here goes!

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two side gently compressed by a Thigh Master

    2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    3. She grew on him like she was E. Coli and he was room-temperature prime beef

    4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up

    5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

    6. He was as tall as a six-foot three inch tree

    7. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a previously surcharge-free ATM

    8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly like a bowling ball wouldn’t

    9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a supermarket bag filled with vegetable soup

    10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you are on holidays in another state and Sex and the City comes on at 9.00pm instead of 9.30pm

    11. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    12. The hailstones leapt from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil

    13. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    14. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    15. The plan was simple, like my brother in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work

    16. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while

    17. "oh Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a uni student at a $1-a-beer night.

    18. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    19. The ballerina rose en point and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog by a fire hydrant

    20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up

    21. She was as easy as a TV Week crossword

    22. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs

    23. It hurt the way your tongue hurts when you accidentally staple it to the wall
  2. few chuckles

    btw most are actually similes.
  3. ibast - you beat me to it.

    Some of these are great though - are they real, collected from somewhere?
  4. it was sent to me on an email called 'metaphors' hence the title of the thread.

    The email claimed it was from NSW year 12 essays, which i think is crap.

    Sounds more like it came from SA! (funny bastards)
  5. I was, like, amused, as if i was trying, like, to laugh....
  6. I think they are meant to come from whatever country the sender lives in :LOL: below are some that weren't posted (like a pile of 'to be sent' letters...or like fcuking whatever).

    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

    The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

    Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)

    He regarded death with hesitant dread, as if he were a commedia dell'arte troupe and death was an audience of pipe-fitters. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

    The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. (J.F. Knowles, Springfield)

    The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium. (Ralph Scott, Washington)

    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. (Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

    Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist. (Greg Dobbins, Arlington)

    Outside the little snow-covered cabin, a large pile of firewood was stacked like Pamela Anderson. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

    He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo. (Bob Sorensen, Herndon)

    The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and then held up to catch the light. (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)

    The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
  7. oooh my favourite & used regularly

    He was as wasted as a rotten banana