Why are men like floortiles? If you lay them properly you can walk on them forever. How can you tell if a man is thinking about sex? He's breathing How can you tell if a man is lying? His lips are moving. Why are men like bottles? They're all empty from the neck up. What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? Marriage. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind. What do men call pulling off a woman's panty hose? Foreplay. What is a husband? Its an attachment you screw to the bed to get shelves put up. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A bar of chocolate. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs while you vacuum. How do you get a man to do situps? Put the remote control between his toes How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head What do men consider a 7 course meal? A hotdog and a six pack of beer How does a man change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows - we've never seen it done! How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? a) 1 - men will screw just about anything b) 5 - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it Why is it good that there are women astronauts? So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomach everytime a bikini goes by What do men consider foreplay? Half an hour of begging How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares???