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Mechanics Vs Pilots

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by ddeessww, Sep 5, 2007.

  1. For those who like to fly.......

    Mechanic vs. Pilot

    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
    diploma to fix one.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
    which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
    then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some
    actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
    and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
    on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
  2. :LOL: love it!

    I've heard that one before, but still a classic. Doubt the "reality" of it though.
  3. They did that one on purpose maybe?
  4. Funny, could imagine it was true too.
  5. actually, the claim is that they've never had a jet engine plane loss. The plane that ran off the end of the runway was repaired at great expense to keep that up. There have been 3 qantas planes that have crashed before the jet plane era (iirc)
  6. Qantas have never had an accident resulting in serious injury or fatality,

    Not never had a crash.

    I got this in email form a few years ago, still a classic.
  7. G'day everyone,......

    The event pictured above was an incident not an accident.

    Just ask a politition what the differance is.
    Qantas has not had a crash only incidents and damn few of them.

    Dr Who?
  8. Fantastic! :rofl: Love it, you really do get some funny complaints from the truckies at work lol
    So scarily quite believable!
  9. still wrong ;)


    bit more then the original three i thought of but still
  10. This joke u can hear a million times and still find it amusing
  11. P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    :LOL: :LOL: An aircraft with attitude, or should that be altitude
  12. Actually the claim is - never lost a paying passenger.

    You can't include the planes not owned or maintained by them in that list.
    The one shot down by the Japanese can't be counted;
    the flying boat that broke up after landing due to heavy seas shouldn't be counted the other casualties were Qantas crew or military personnel.
  13. OK then, someone figure out what it is and tell me, i have drinking to do.
  14. We weren't born with wings... We make big noisy machines to overcome this deficit, machines sometimes fail, people sometimes DIE!!!
    No matter who you're with there's always an element of risk.
    Never let it stop me! Who cares.....
  15. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    Haha love it! :LOL:
  16. Last time I read this it was stated as being a USAF set of flight reports...
    Allowing for mention of a "Trageting" radar i would see that as more likely.
    Though more likely again is that it is all crap (Funny crap, but crap never the less)
  17. Thats interesting acording to the wiki Quantas have had 10 accidents, if you add BOAC and BEA to British Airways they've only had 10 too who'd a thunk it.

    I thought BA were way in front or is it behind, shows the power of advertising. The Fact of never losing a paying passenger becomes never had an accident.
  18. The IFF also not working, "tire", etc. tends to confirm that, at least, it originated from the US and the military, at that.

    This email's done the rounds heaps of times. Most of the QF pilots on aus.aviation have diss'ed it as well.

    Still, it's humorous, enough...
  19. What about the Lancastrian that disappeared over the Indian Ocean in the late 40s? I thought that had paying passengers aboard, and, after 60 years, I think we can safely assume them to be dead.