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Marriage jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by robsalvv, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. Played at a (surprise) wedding on the weekend. [Interesting gig!]

    The celebrant was a hoot and shared this little story.

    ...of course we all know there are three rings of marriage... the first two I hope remain with you forever. The first is the engagement ring - a symbol of hope. The 2nd is the wedding ring - a symbol of committment... and the last, which I hope you never receive, is the suffer-ring.

    The crowd erupted into laughter... and just as the laughter settled down, some smart alek piped up and said, "Yeah and don't forget the bor-ing!".

    Everyone cracked up! :rofl:
  2. marriage is not a joke.......
  3. haha reminds me of why i am not married (well not on paper anway) and the joke i recite when asked.

    people say 'why are you not married' and i reply...

    well. there are three types of 'fux'. the first is the house fuk. this is usually one night stands or newly weds and involves spontaneous fux all over the house. the bathroom vanity, entry hall, kitchen bench dining table. anytime any day.

    the second type is the bedroom fuk. now this is those that have been married generally from 3 to 5 years and its nothing more than 'missionary position' on the bed.

    the third type is the hall fuk. this is those that have been married for ten years or more, and what it is is when then pass each other in the hall way, they look at each other and shout FUKYOU!

    now my parents asked me this question many years ago and i started telling them this joke and my oldman jsut totally cracked it. i asked why he was laughing so hard and he replied he had a fourth stage. i commented you couldnt... i am telling the joke.
    he said no there is. its 'denial'... 25years or more and no matter what you do, your wife denies you.

    my old man got clobbered and this joke has stuck for many years now.

    i enjoy being in the first stage!!!
  4. ...possibly contentious statement Paul...

    One thing's for sure though, there's no shortage of jokes about marriage! :)

    Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished...

    Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener....

    Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached...

    Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper...

    Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock...

    I thought the celebrant's joke was a hoot... just wanted to share.
  5. Why does the bride wear white?

    Because it's nice if the dishwasher matches the stove and fridge.
  6. Definition of bigamy: having one wife too many
    Definition of monogamy: see "bigamy"
    Penalty for bigamy - two mothers-in-law
    "bachelor" (n) - someone who never makes the same mistake once.
  7. HA!

    I thought I'd found Miss Right until I married her and discovered her first name was 'Always'...
  8. Uh-oh adult-onset humour deficiency syndrome alert..
  9. LOL @ Cam