Welcome to Netrider ... Connecting Riders!

Interested in talking motorbikes with a terrific community of riders?
Signup (it's quick and free) to join the discussions and access the full suite of tools and information that Netrider has to offer.

Man Test

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Kermie, Mar 10, 2011.

  1. Are you a man?

    1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard
    stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked
    back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of
    your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah

    2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a
    dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never
    scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
    its claws and whines to be fed...
    And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
    I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think
    about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy,
    snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or
    any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A
    straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw
    oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits..
    Anything else and you are a homo in training and
    undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or
    piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual
    relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
    defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee,
    you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will
    never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If
    you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've
    had a man there too.

    6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
    or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and
    custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.
    A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
    remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse
    you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
    other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,
    you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts
    both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to
    cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand
    to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his

    8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your
    email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings
    then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami
  2. Gay..
    Wait, what?
  3. Hahahahahaha...

    Laughed at # 5...

    LOL'd at # 6 (used to be a Paint Salesman for Dulux as a temp job)

    # 7 : Does no hands count ?

    Salami Smuggler ???? ROTFLMFAO !!!

    Nice one (y)
  4. "If you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've had a man there too."

  5. 1. Im in my 20’s, asian and already have a beer belly.

    2. Dog named Barney = a dog version of the How I Met Your Mother Barney… blonde and a total player.

    3. I don’t suck, I crunch. Some people don’t eat fat in BBQ, some only eat the meat and leave the bone. I eat the whole thing……..fat, meat and bone.

    4. You see shrubs and trees, I see potential toilet lol.

    5. Short black (the strong stuff) or regular cappuccino (coz of its Mafia name and Mafia’s are bad ass)

    6. Red, blue, green, yellow, white, black…….everything else is a combo.

    7. Normal driving = one hand, racecar mode = both hands (I don’t give an F what you say).
  6. Brocky would be ashamed
  7. Michael Shumacher = two hands = gay lol
  8. In Michael's defence, there is just no where else for him to put his hands when sitting in a f1 car, so not gay. :LOL:
  9. Meh ... people who measure their masculinity, especially against some other poof's rules. Got to be a bit sus, or they wouldn't bother reading it. It's a bit like "Are you a brainless bimbo?" tests in No Idea magazine. You took the test didn't you?

    And as for the people who write them - or go and copy and paste them - well... I thought that was a girl donkey you were riding, in your yellow Rossi suit, but I must of been wrong... :bannanabutt: :eek:wned:
  10. ... reply? ... rebuttal? ... riposte? ...anything?

    ... LOL.
  11. ....I am pleased to announce that I failed the man test!!....8-[
  12. Phew!!
  13. ...how did you go Chef??....:D
  14. I reckon I just scraped it in :D

    The fact that I have three piles of clothing on my floor and none in my wardrobes tipped the scales in my favour.
  15. you've actually sorted them into piles?
  16. Not really sorted, it's just that i get undressed in one location, get dressed in another....

    ....and i can't remember what the third one's for
  17. ..washing!!...wait!!.. no!!... that would be and instant man fail!!...[-(
  18. I use it as a natural demarcation zone, it's my Gaza strip
  19. ... intentional funny??... :D
  20. Sounds more exotic when i say it like that eh? :LOL: