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Lots of Silly Questions.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by rc36, Jul 18, 2005.

  1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
    times, does he become disoriented?

    2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
    Holland called Holes?

    3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

    4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
    your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?

    8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just
    stale bread to begin with?

    10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

    11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
    person who drives a race car not called a racist?

    12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

    13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

    14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

    15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
    language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

    16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
    follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
    cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
    cleaners depressed?

    17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

    18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald

    20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a
    whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . .
    they're cramming for their final exam.

    21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny
    little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers
    use? Toothpicks?

    22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
    What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just
    put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look
    for them while they deliver the mail?

    23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
    exactly are the others here for?

    24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is

    26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't

    27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
    door went nuts.

    28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

    29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
  4. "Out of whack"

    [Q] From John Williams: “In one of those perennial round-robins that friends send by e-mail, I found the following: ‘Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a whack?’ It seems a valid question. Can you supply an answer?”

    [A] Not with a totally convincing show of certainty, no. But some pointers are possible.

    Whack started life in the eighteenth century. It was probably an imitative noise, or perhaps derived from the older thwack, also imitative. The adjective wacky, for somebody or something that is odd, crazy or peculiar (nowadays in a mildly funny way), may come from whack, in that somebody who was crazy behaved as though he had been hit about the head.

    The noun developed a number of subsidiary senses. At one time, it could mean a share in a distribution, a portion; this sense was originally thieves’ cant—Francis Grose, in his Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue of 1785, has “Whack, a share of a booty obtained by fraud” (could physical violence have been involved in some cases?). British English has a couple of phrases that retain that sense. One is pay one’s whack, to pay one’s agreed contribution to shared expenses. Another is top whack, or full whack, for the maximum price or rate for something (“if you go to that shop, you’ll pay top whack”).

    There are some other old figurative senses, including a bargain or agreement (which evolved out of the idea of a share), and an attempt at doing something (“I’ll take a whack at that job”). These are mostly American, and it was in the US that the sense you refer to first appeared, in the latter part of the nineteenth century. There seems to have been a phrase in fine whack during that century, meaning that something was in good condition or excellent fettle. (It appears in a letter by John Hay, President Lincoln’s amanuensis, dated August 1863, which describes the President: “The Tycoon is in fine whack. I have rarely seen him more serene and busy. He is managing this war, the draft, foreign relations, and planning a reconstruction of the Union, all at once”.) It doesn’t often turn up in writing, though, so there’s some doubt how widespread it was.

    To be out of whack would then have meant the opposite—that something wasn’t on top form or working well. It was first applied to people with ailments (“My back is out of whack”). In the early years of the twentieth century it started to refer to mechanisms. It might be that the sense was influenced by the idea that faulty mechanisms responded to a quick thwack.
  5. here a couple more silly questions

    Questions that really need answers...

    1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

    3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about

    5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
    don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
    are going to look up there anyway?

    8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why
    didn't he just buy dinner?

    10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
    same tune?

    14. Stop singing and read on..........

    15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive

    18. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  6. ROFL :D
  7. and some more

    Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  9. We all know the speed of light, but what is the speed of darkness?
  10. Croutons are baked in the oven, not stale bread.
  11. These are always good for a laugh:

    Aussie Tourism

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website...

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.

    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not ...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    20 . Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.