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LMAO

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by nodz, Feb 1, 2005.

  1. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
    I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
    What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."



    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
    big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

    Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

    I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.
     
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  2. What a crack up!! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
     
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  3. You have made my day my GF's is asking me what so funny as I'm sitting here pissing myself...
    I'm just waiting for the news report of a man from Narre Warren having to go to emergency to have his appendage sewn back on...your playing with fire there mate
     
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  4. Yes, yes, I know, I know, better not let Missus Nodz see this
     
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  5. Nice one... definitely a clever way of 'playing the game'. ;)
     
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  6. MM yes funny

    I feel sorry for them both.

    I hate shopping for clothes would rather go with chris to the bike shop

    Lisa :twisted:
     
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  7. Perfect, pure genius.

    gotta use it myself.....
     
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  8. I wish i was brave enough to give that a go.
    That was brilliant.
     
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  9. Or the fact that you have a gf, climb into bed with her, and take her shopping :LOL:
     
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  10. Oldy but a goody all the same.
     
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