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little johnny jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by gsxr1000, Feb 23, 2005.

  1. Little Johnny playing cards ...

    Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom.

    On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you
    doing?"

    The dad answered, "Playing Cards".

    Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"



    The dad answered, "Your mom".

    Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?"

    The sister answered, "Playing Cards."

    Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"

    She answered, "My boyfriend."

    A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom (naturally). As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to
    his son, "What are you doing?"

    Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."

    The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"

    Little Johnny answered,... "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"

    :wink:
     
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  2. bwhahahahaha :LOL:
     
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  3. Little Johnny

    Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's Little Johnny and quickly dismounts, worried about what he has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. Little Johnny see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
    The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
    "You're wasting your time." says Little Johnny.
    "Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
    "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
     
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  4. classic :eek: :D 8)
     
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  5. Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace." Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND.." Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy.." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Little Johnny starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and....."then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."



    One day little Johny came home from school. He walked in and heard all this comotion from his aprents room...So he walks upstairs and opens the door. There are mom and dad poundin away, johnny says, "Daddy, what are you doing?", Dad says " I'am playing poker, and moms my wild card," Johnny says "ok". SO, he walks down the hallway a little further and comes by his brothers room. He opens the door and there are brother and girlfriend going at it, poundin away. Johnny says "Brother..what are you doing?," Brother says "Ah...Im like dad im playing Poker, and shes my wild card," Johnny says "OK" and walks out again, and goes to his room. Later on, When mom and dad were gone, Dad went walking past Johnny's room, and there is all this poundin going on...So Dad walks in and see's Johnny sitting there wackin off...Dad says "JOHNNY WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOIN?" Johnny says, "I'm playing Poker like you and brother, but with a hand like this, you dont need a wild card!"


    The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

    "Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

    "After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."

    "Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"

    "Does anyone know another word."

    "I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

    Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

    "OK Mike, what is your word."

    "Saturday." says Mike.

    "Great, that has three syllables..."

    Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

    Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

    Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

    "No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
     
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  6. Yes, takes a lot to go one better than the little Johnny jokes...last one got me laughing
     
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  7. Little Johnny.....

    Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

    "None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away."

    "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

    Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"

    "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

    "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking." :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
     
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  8. I like the way you tell that joke. :LOL:
     
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  9. hahaha.... a good johnny joke i haven't heard before
     
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  10. Little Johhny...when wont he make us laugh..

    Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
    When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

    Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

    Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

    The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."

    Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really
    beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

    "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

    "That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."



    :LOL:
     
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  11. lmao.

    I like it!
     
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  12. Good stuff, just had my boss laughing for a few minutes, cheers :grin:
     
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