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life is to be lived

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by D Stump, Sep 30, 2007.

  1. you're going to find this OP gritty. that's ok. if you ever read stumpys birthday you're going to find out anyway, plus a whole lot more about me that i dont want you to know.

    it takes strength for a person in my position to make this public, you can call me whatever the hell you like, im doing this for you on the off chance you know what im talking about or may find yourself in this position in the future.

    im puting this post up because there have to be some nrs who would benifit from what i have overcome, and hope you can overcome it too, or at least know the direction to take in order to overcome it.
    btw, im not talking about chain letters, they're stupid and have no effect on me what so ever.

    when i was 12 i was infected with guardia. i was very ill and the result of that illness was a vomiting phobia. every day i would prey not to vomit. it was a daily fear and it took over my life. i knew it would happen one day and did everything i could to avoid it. i use to carry anti nausia meds around with me everywhere i went. if i was feeling well but forget the meds, i wouldnt be able to enjoy my evening.

    i got over the phobia in my early 20s but i endured another factor of fear in that time called ocd which is also a part of 'making deals with god' which is not uncommon at all.

    when the thought of something we fear enters our minds and we can sometimes feel we have to counter act it by doing something in an effort to control our lives [thats ocd]. when we counter act it the fear is removed, thereby giving us the sensation that we do have control.

    here's the thing tho, if you do what the fear tells you, you are feeding the fear, feeding the negativity. you are making it worse. the more you feed it the bigger it will become and be on its way to controlling you, instead of you controlling it.

    the problem is, if you dont feed it you are consumed more or less with concern/fear and the ilusion you dont have control, rather than the illusion that you do have control.

    the only thing you can control is fear

    my ocd disapeared with the vomiting phobia, but returned after the crash due to concern/fear of anything happening to myself and others.

    it came and went along with what i suspected was insecurity. that may be so but the root of the problem is fear itself. without fear, there is no negativity, there is no need for the illusion of control and there is no ocd.

    have you noticed something yet?

    we fear most what has already happened to us

    so i went thru a stage where, when the negative thoughts came in such as 'i will meet you in the coffe shop at 12 jax' jax will automatically think of the possibility of having a car crash on the way, and feel concerned, and fear. before the crash, such thoughts would never occur to me, but now my understanding is real as opposed to a perception alone, which is all it was before the crash. [that ^ didnt happen very often. started off regular but faded]

    so here's what u gotta do. when you feel negative thought pattern enter, you tell it to piss off and re-direct it somewhere else [engery flows around no matter what, u can pick it up or move it on]. never give into it. it will still happen, may even get worse for a little while but eventually starve and get smaller.

    but it's still there. you know why? because the fear is still there. get rid of the fear and live your life.

    i know that when riding a motorcycle some pretty bad injuries and death can come from it, having cancer can have the posibility of return. these are some pretty genuine things to be concerned over. but to fear them, that's something else entirely.

    so with all these possibilities on the table, we are insecure and vulunrable to them. but what a waste it is for anyone to waste one second of their lives fearing the bus that may never come?

    what are you waiting for?

    if you do fear it, that will not prepare you for it at all, it will only make it worse if it does happen.

    fear is there for when you're being chased by a lion, its a tool that can be used wisely, it's not there to consume any part of your daily life.

    think about it, what a waste! do you want to spend a moment of your life worrying about what may or may not even happen?

    dont worry until worry worries you

    and so what if they do happen eh? at least you didnt spend your better years worrying about it.

    there is nothing to fear, but fear itself

    im not sugesting you look to heavens and say 'bring it on!' at all.

    i am suggesting you grasp the concept of fear i am talking about. that is, the difference between the fear of something, and the actual outcome of that thing.

    fear is not what that thing is.

    fear is empty, meaningless and in a class of it's own. it can come from nowhere and exist in nothingness without a shred of reality to justify it's presence.

    fear is in a world of its own that amounts to nothing.

    live your life, life is not to be feared. it is a gift that is to be enjoyed which contains many lessons, challenges and happiness.

  2. Some stuff I may not wish to share to the wider public (I'm not writing a book about myself), but happy to share with those I chat to a bit. If you're not so comfortable but wish to discuss feel free to speak to someone via PM. Like the NADS thread I can see why this may be difficult to share examples in public.

    This is a great topic and especially suited to me right now.

    These are my lessons on fear (and of course motorbikes).

    Vulnerable is the natural tendency for humans travelling at high speed.

    Our bodies are designed for no more than running pace, and thats only for emergency and can cause serious injuries. We're really only designed for walking paces of 3-5kph.

    Add a motorbike and 200+, or even a car at 60kph and you're vulnerable.

    Thats a reasonable fear to have, even more so when you know the consequences.

    Less obvious, but at least as deadly, is the pace of our lives and our ability to throw ourselves headlong into personal situations that can cause a catastrophic "train-wreck" of our personal lives.

    As technology has improved it's not just the speed of our motorbikes that has outpaced our human abilities. Our ability to deal with the speed of collision of our work and personal lives has also been diminished.

    In your case, Jax, you've had to deal with the consequences and you've tried to be protective of others - by warning them of what you have had to deal with. The fear to yourself is gone (hey, it's happened to me how much worse can it get) but the desire to protect others from the same is still there.

    Fear has it's place - it is there to remind you to make a significant judgement call:

    "Do I really want to do this?
    "Is it really necessary"?
    "What happens if I f*** it up"?

    We all make those decisions every day. Most of us anyway - probably the true "temporary citizens" of this world don't.

    Me personally, I make those decisions in full logical and conscious decision - "Ok - this may hurt me, or even destroy me, (physically OR emotionally) but what can I gain for the risk"?

    If the gain outweighs the risk, I'll take it on, pain or no. You'd know that from what you know of me.

    My best advice - throw yourself 99.9999% into everything you decide you want and need to do. Even if you think it won't work, do it anyway.

    But always leave something (0.0001%) in reserve. It may be enough to bring you back from the brink. It has with me many times.

    As Terry Pratchett says, "Million to One shots come off Nine times out of Ten"

    Just make sure it's exactly a million to one shot that you bet your life on, not a 999,999:1 shot.
  3. dirty trix,

    wow! you're soooo strong and brave :LOL:
    dirty trix wrote

    there is an element of control tho

    if it can go wrong it will go wrong

    it took me years to figure out the meaning of that. it means that next to nothing will go wrong if you take the "can" out of it.

    the "can" is your part in whatever went wrong

    in other words, when riding fast, something "can" go wrong. you have handed what little control you had of your life over to whatever should come your way, be it a great time or as you said, total distruction of your life.

    you know what can happen, apart from the fact you've never lived thru it.

    you have decided to accept what can happen and move on [i suspect] which shows some strength.