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Letter to Mr Beelzebub

Discussion in 'Technical and Troubleshooting Torque' started by incitatus, Nov 23, 2005.

  1. Dear Mr. Beelzebub,

    I am really really sorry, for what I said about your pre-CV carbys yesterday. They are really very nice well designed hyper-efficient works of art. No, of course you can't reasonably be blamed for the appallingly high suicide rate among their users. And yes, I admit I was unreasonably quick to presume guilt on your part, and yes, the expletives were totally unnecessary.

    So, in the light of my pathetic groveling, and in the spirit of true diabolic forgiveness, do you think you could please undo whatever you did to make my R60/6 starter motor limit its activity to 1/3 of a turn and a strange wheezing noise?

    I realize that this is probably a, (totally justified of course), means of forcing me to do penance by using the wonderful kickstarter designed by your brother. However Mr. Beelzebub in my own defense, I am not the typical 3'8", 3 legged, quadruple jointed Quasimodo for which it was so obviously designed. I am now on my way to immediately purchase some top quality black candles as instructed, and I have already drawn the pentangle on the garage floor in goat's blood.

    In anticipation of your generous forgiveness....Incitatus.

    PS How many virgins did you say? And can they be re-bores?
  2. AAAAGH!

    That's positively the most vulgar thing I've heard all day.
    <SFX: golf clap>
  3. Methinks you are too quick to presume the hand of the Lord of the Flies at work:


    He (with a capital H) is rather sensitive to jokes about His kid :)

  4. No Chairman, I don't think it's Him. I have it on good authority that he rides a 4.5 billion year old Harley that he purchased after only 8 days on the job. If true, I believe there are reasonable grounds to assume a certain empathy on his part.
  5. [Update]

    Dear Mr. Beelzebub,

    I am writing to thank you for your assistance in removing the curse from my R60/6 motorcycle, (you remember me? the one who mouthed off about your carbies). Well, I did exactly as you instructed, and apart from a few complaints from the neighbors about "putrid smells" and "hideous noises", all has gone to plan. I had a little difficulty with the thigh bone of an ass to begin with, but after a bit of effort it finally pointed to the starter solenoid. After I had cleaned up the garage and disposed of the body parts, I went off to the BMW dealer for a replacement. I must say Mr. Beelzebub; it was a stroke of genius to get BMW to still list parts that they can't actually obtain. The euphoria on learning that the part is listed is exceeded only by the crushing of the spirit when the joke is revealed. I have however; found a genuine replacement at a local non-BMW dealer. Negotiations continue as to the price, the dealer doesn't consider my first born son to be of sufficient value, even with my wife, dog, Ute, and beer-fridge thrown in. However I live in hope that a deal can be reached. In the event that it can't, I have already selected a suitable bell tower, cleaned the .303, purchase the 200 rounds, and the "I'm going Postal" tee-shirt.

    Yours etc.....