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K Rudd

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by jeffatav, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. Stimulus Payment Information.

    “This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new
    program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

    Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
    A. Only a smidgin.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
    A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set or some such
    thing, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
    A. Shut up.

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your
    stimulus cheque wisely:

    If you spend that money at Kmart, all the money will go to China .
    If you spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.
    If you purchase a computer it will go to India .
    If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
    If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .
    And none of it will help the Australian economy.
    We need to keep that money here in Australia. You can keep the money in Australia by spending
    it at garage sales, going to a cricket match or footy game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer
    and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses that may still be
    owned by Aussies.

    Thank you all Australians,
    Your mate,
  2. Already posted in another thread but here goes

    There's a thing called a chain of supply.

    In order to buy your high def telly you need to visit a retail store. It'll likely be one of the big chains like Harvey Norman or Clive Peeters.

    You will speak to the floor sales staff who will do their darnedest to get you to buy the one with the biggest mark up.

    At some stage you will decide on a telly and proceed to the check out where another person will put it thru the register.

    Once the transaction is complete you will drive your car around to the back of the store where probably 2 storemen will help you load it into your car.

    In order to ensure they have enough tellies to hand one over to the next Stimulus Payment recipient, they will call the friendly person at the local warehouse and order another telly to be sent over.

    That girl will go out and give the order to the picker who will find the telly and get one of the forklift drivers to retrieve it with his fork lift.

    It will then be loaded onto a small truck, probably being driven by a middle aged bloke who will transport it around to the store to replace the telly you just purchased.

    After the warehouse has sent out a handful of these tellies, they will begin to get low themselves. So they will get on the blower to the main national warehouse and order 20 more tellies.

    Someone on the other end of the phone will then get their forklift driver to place the 20 tellies on a specific truck which is then driven to Melbourne by a friendly truck driver.

    Back to you in the store.

    The friendly, yet manipulative, sales staff and the girl on the counter are actually an item and planning a holiday together. So they contact HR and apply for annual leave. The person in HR processes their application and approval is given. HR contacts the pay department to let pay know to apply a 17.5% loading to the sales guy and check-out girl's pay for the period of their holidays. The manager of the store gets wind of the planned holiday and calls the staff in question into the office. He lets them know that they are not to let their relationship get in the way of their work, to which the both agree that they shall keep their personal lives for outside of work.

    Meanwhile Mr and Mrs Average check their small share portfolio and see that the tiny allotment of Harvery Norman shares have gone up a bit. They decide now is a good time to do some renovations to the house as there are a few more builders looking for jobs at the moment. So they sell their shares and get to constructing a 2nd story to the house, payed for in part by the profit from their Harvey Norman shares. This means a whole bunch of tradies have another job keeping them in employment for a little longer.

    Meanwhile in China, Mr and Mrs Foo are busy assembling tellies in a factory. The factory consumes large amounts of precious and non precious metals in the process of manufacturing these tellies. All this raw material comes out of Australian soil, from Australian mines, employing Australians.

    So to summarise. Mr Rudd's not stimulating China's economy. At a rough count, not including the tradies doing the extension to Mr and Mrs Average's house, or the shareholders in Harvey Norman, there are at least 15 people including storemen, sales people, warehousing staff, HR staff, Management and other admin staff who are all supported by the Stimulus payment should it be spent on a television.

    And best of all, thanks to the payment I get to watch the Government make the Opposition look like drop kicks during question time on a brand new telly!
  3. this had been seen by the japanese. they bought lion nathan.
  4. And the delivery truck is LPG fuelled and comes from the Bass Strait fields as well... :LOL: