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It's just not cricket

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by DisgruntledDog, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO

    A laughing stock.

    The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a
    They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

    What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
    A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

    What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
    A waiter.

    Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
    The woman who irons their cricket whites.

    What's the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

    Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
    He forgot it was chained to his foot.

    What is the main function of the Australia coach?
    To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

    On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from
    his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the
    His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"

    What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
    Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

    Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
    The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

    What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
    Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come

    What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
    The entire Australian innings.

    Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
    Because they can't spell beer.

    Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?
    They eat all the grass.

    What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in
    common with Michael Jackson?
    They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

    Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian
    immigration officers at Sydney airport?
    They asked him if he had a criminal record.
    He replied: "I didn't know it was still necessary."

    What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
    At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.