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International Rules of Blokedom

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by echoball, Jan 11, 2005.

  1. >Don't know if this has been here before...

    Certain unwritten groundrules.
    >01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the
    >footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is
    >02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a.
    >When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie
    >starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car.
    >d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    >e. When she is using her teeth.
    >03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
    >eaten by his mates.
    >04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
    >of jail within 12 hours.
    >05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    >limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
    >06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
    >However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
    >07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
    >man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
    >08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
    >09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
    >the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
    >10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
    >to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
    >flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
    >11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
    >sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
    >supermodel...and it's free.
    >12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
    >kick another bloke in the nuts.
    >13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
    >14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
    >15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
    >16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
    >until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW)
    >and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
    >17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
    >sober enough to fight.
    >18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    >but not both that's just greedy.
    >19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
    >about his choice of beer.
    >20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours,
    >except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
    >21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
    >a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    >b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    >c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
    >22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
    >i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
    >situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
    >23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
    >you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
    >if necessary.
    >24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
    >have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and
    >guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
    >discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
    >25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
    >to drive yours.
    >26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
    >orange or sky blue.
    >27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
    >with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
    >28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
    >Gymnastics -

  2. yup :LOL:

    doubt i could add much to that :D
  3. A friend should bail a mate out of jail within 12 hours......A true mate should be in there with him talking about how much fun it was :LOL: :p :LOL:
  4. unless its a lime green (Linamint) or
    ('Strike me) Pink Torana XU1.......

    I had a green one :)
  5. Friends will help you move house. Real friends will help you move bodies.