>Don't know if this has been here before... Certain unwritten groundrules. > >01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the >footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is >permissible. > >02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. >When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie >starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. >d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". >e. When she is using her teeth. > >03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed >and >eaten by his mates. > >04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend >out >of jail within 12 hours. > >05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off >limits forever, unless you actually marry her. > >06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is >forbidden. >However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. > >07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another >man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. > >08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the >weakest. > >09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may >ask >the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. > >10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought >her >to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of >flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. > >11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're >sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless >supermodel...and it's free. > >12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed >to >kick another bloke in the nuts. > >13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. > >14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. > >15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see >anything. > >16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as >spies >until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) >and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. > >17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must >remain >sober enough to fight. > >18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of >pizza, >but not both that's just greedy. > >19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking >about his choice of beer. > >20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, >except if she's withholding s*x pending your response. > >21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting >weights: >a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! >b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! >c. Another set and we can hit the showers! > >22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: >i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other >situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you >need. > >23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer >than >you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up >if necessary. > >24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" >have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and >guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the >discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. > >25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for >her >to drive yours. > >26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, >orange or sky blue. > >27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for >Christmas?" >with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of >story. > >28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's >Gymnastics - >Ever.