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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."- John Bright

    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford (one flash & it's gone. ha)

    "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
  2. :LOL:

    ahh, genius.
  3. :eek:
    WOW. Some of those are truely amazing.

    And inspiring . . . . :LOL:

    Seriously, Great.
  4. Old Winston's on the ball there :p
  5. Most of them are really good.
  6. Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.â€
    Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.â€
  7. classic
  8. seen only a few before... good stuff :LOL: