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ibast's latest Dad joke

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by ibast, May 8, 2009.

  1. A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
    'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

    The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
    The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

    The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
    The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub,
    (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the
    Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

    The next night, the pub is packed.
    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
    The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

    The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
    Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
    The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,
    The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..'
    The rabbit looks aghast.
    The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
    The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
    The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
    The barman, with a roguish smile says,
    'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
    'Ok', says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
    The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
    He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

    ...NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

    One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

    When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

    The barman says, 'Who are you?',
    To which he is answered,
    'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

    The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
    You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

    Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
    The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

    The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties.
    You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

    The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

    The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

    'I DIED' ,said the rabbit.

    'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

    After a short pause. The rabbit said...

  2. there are not enough groans in the universe to cover that


    I LOVED it, mate
  3. A great quality traditional dad joke, one of my favourites,
    and you tell it so well...

    only problem is, most kids don't know what myxomatosis is these days...

    recently I had to show my stepdaughter how to put a vinyl record on
    the record player - she didn't know how (!)
  4. hahahaha nice one
  5. i shouldn't be reading these at 18 :p when i repeat these to my girlfriend, i get told how good an old man i'll make :LOL:
  6. Ahahaha!

    I love a good Dad joke.

  7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
    One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.'
    The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him ' Juan ..'
    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
    Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
    Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
  8. *holds head in hands*
  9. ibast, you really do make life worth living.
  10. Damn I love the dad jokes, they are just so bad.

    Best is emailing to people I work with and hearing them groan at the end
  11. Quality jokes Ibast keep em up.
    I love groanworthy jokes :)
  12. Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

    One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
    The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
    The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
    The wedding was lovely.
    After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
    'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
    'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
  13. ](*,)

    I think I need to copy these down for when my son is old enough to groan at them.
  14. Where is he FINDING this stuff :rofl:????
  15. dont stop now. just too good. i may be forced to tell 'three pieces of sting walk into a bar'
  16. Did you ever wonder why you never see dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?

    Ever wonder where they go? Wonder no more.

    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

    The penguins have a strong community bond. They are very committed to their family and will mate for life.

    They also maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout its life.

    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the freshly dug grave and sing...

    ..."freeze a jolly good fellow…"
  17. Have you seen Stevy Wonder's new piano?


    Neither has he.
  18. For that you should be punished :LOL: