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I rambo.......

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Cowboy1600, Mar 19, 2005.

  1. ROYAL AUSTRALIAN AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the
    ROYAL AUSTRALIAN AIRFORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the
    Army and because the NAVY frightens me.

    I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by
    others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also
    swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our daily volleyball competitions as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the Commonwealth,
    even though I believe myself to be above that.

    I promise to walk around (with my Labrador) calling everyone by
    their first name - because I know I'm not really in the military and
    find it amusing to annoy the other services.

    I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and
    will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
    completion of my - snicker - "basic training", I will be a lean, mean,
    doughnut
    eating machine wearing a bus conductor's uniform.

    I will believe that I will be superior to all others, and will make
    an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the
    back with it.

    I will do no work unless someone is watching me, (and it makes me
    look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every
    day - if I make it to work at all. I consent to never getting promoted -
    EVER - and understand
    that all those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me
    tomorrow.

    So help me God

    Signature:____________________________________

    Date: ________________________________________



    AUSTRALIAN ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the
    AUSTRALIAN Army because I couldn't score high enough on the
    enlistment test to get into the Air Force, and the Navy wouldn't
    take me due to the fact that I'm not tough enough and can't swim.

    I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots
    and I promise to wear my uniform 24 hrs a day even when I am shopping.

    I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce killing machine
    because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the
    only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual
    harassment, or for the harming of innocent animals.
    I acknowledge the fact that I will make Private in my
    first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I
    scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual-er-I
    mean, BASIC training, I will attend a different Army School once
    every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.

    On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am
    cool and propose to marry my ninth-grade sweetheart.

    I will make my wife stay at home, because if I let her out she might
    leave me for a smarter, better looking Air Force or Navy guy. Should she
    leave me
    twelve times, I will continue to take her back.

    Whilst at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
    absolutely nothing accomplished.

    I will arrive at work every day at 10:00 hrs because of morning PT
    and leave every day at 1300 hrs to report back to the "COMPANY".

    I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will
    help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working on the council
    with my friends from high school, or as a security guard.

    So help me God

    Signature:________________________________

    Date: ____________________________________



    ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE

    I, Nobby, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away twenty
    years of my life to the Royal Australian Navy because I want to hang out
    with
    Criminals without actually having to BE one of them. Also because I
    thought the Air Force was too "corporate", the Army never washes -
    and because I thought, "Heh, I like to swim.... Why not?"

    I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1914 and to
    have my name stencilled on the front of every shirt pants I own.

    I understand that I will be mistaken for a Mr Whippy ice cream man
    during the summer and for a member of the Waffen SS during the winter.

    I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the
    English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, bone dome,
    goffa, Sea Squarie and head" when I really mean "floor, wall, hat,
    softdrink, Chux and toilet".

    I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks
    and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
    different from the other services and make absolutely no sense what
    so ever.

    I will muster (what ever that means) at 0800 hrs every morning
    unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
    around
    0930hrs.

    I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can
    stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and not spill a drop.



    I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice
    each fiscal year.

    So help me Neptune

    Signature:__________________________

    Date: ____________________________
     
  2. Ok... i Know that you have a strong opinion of politics, but having a dig at these guys just does not sit right.
     
  3. Hey,

    I know it seems all PC to show complete support for the armed forces and all. Even if it means trying to clamp down on this kind of humour.

    But just reading through it, I would say that this was probably written by a member of the forces. This is exactly the kind of stuff that gets bandied around whenever the CO isn't listening.

    I have heard a lot more disparaging stuff from my friends who have served, and are currently serving.
     
  4. I've already got that one in the bag. Can I join the navy now?
     
  5. hey they've taken out a line in the NAVY oath

    I will endevour to find the eternal 'golden rivet' that is enbeded in all her majesty's ships! and recieve my reward.

    I will travel the seven seas
    Vist exotic lands
    meet exotic people
    with interesting cultures
    and come home will all maner
    of exotic ailments

    upon 'crossing the line' i will abide by the laws passed down to me
    by King Neptune and his disciples
    and accept his belessing by right, and right of passage across
    his domain.

    :LOL: :twisted: :LOL:
     
  6. lol I don't remember swearing by THAT oath! Maybe officers get a different oath... :LOL:

    Thanks for you support MrNinja :) But as long as it's a joke and it stays that way, I'm fine with it :wink:
     
  7. Mate......from one who has been there and done that..... I loved it!!!!

    Maybe it's because I spent way too many years saluting people I neither liked nor respected.

    But with biro in hand and a smartly creased uniform I defended my country against the invading hordes, well most of the invading hordes, nothing could stop the bloody Kiwi's from coming in..sorry Graeme/GSXR1000

    It wasn't all fun and games though, we did learn some very valuable lessons, for instance:
    beer and spirits don't mix,
    you can throw up while inverted,
    bayonets make excellent bottle openers,
    RAAF girls are better looking than RAN girls,
    It is possible to throw-up in a Macchi with oxygen mask in place.
    never eat anything you can't identify. and

    Officers have bloody good hearing, "warning to self, never whisper f*** you under breath, while officer present"
     
  8. Yeah the RAN girls stopped taking there ugly pills the year after i paid off :evil: :LOL: :LOL:

    And i found out you can say f*** you to an officer under your breath as long as you add SIR the the end of it !!
    that way when you front the Capt's chair, and the whole inciedent is repeted. you can Quote you where respectfull to the uniform just not the dick wearing it !!!

    oh you still get get an earfull from the CO but thats all

    :LOL: :twisted: :LOL:
     
  9. i thought this was appropriate for this thread

    http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

    the 213 things skippy cant do in the us army. bloody funny stuff, takes ages to read through it but if one or two of them dont make you wet yourself, you might want to consider seeing a shrink :LOL:
     
  10. Nuts, where do you find this stuff? you got way too much free time on your hands
     
  11. its called work, not much on at the moment :oops:

    just happened to be on a mountainbike forum the other day tho, good timing i guess :wink:
     
  12. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    Surely you jest. Youve got to be kidding me.

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Thats funnier than the original joke.

    Dude try some Metamucil. Itll help to get that log out of your ass.
     
  13. BTW, I thought Id better highlight this.

    Netrider Forum Index -> Jokes and Humour



    Hahahaha....."I know your all political and stuff........"
     
  14. Play nice now... :D
     
  15. hmmmmmmm peregrine.....like the falcon and based in Canberra, would I be right in assuming a military connection.......if so forget that crack about officers.....they may just find a way to re-recruit me........after all I still have my dog tags.....

    Nobby ....
    ex serving member of The Queen's Own Highland Deserters......

    ex honorary member of the Moot Moot and Grissly Club....

    and Past President of AWOL (After Women Or Licker)


    :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
     
  16.  
  17. 50 points if you can guess the service :) Nowadays RAN ladies are better than RAAF :p

    especially on rainy parades :oops: :wink: