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I have noticed that....

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Nixy V3, Mar 27, 2007.

  1. Ever wanted to share some of those clever one liners that you see or hear ?
    Well here's a space for them.

    I have noticed that....

    - In contracts, the big type gives but the small type takes away.
    - How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on
    - Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
    - If you have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen them again, it was probably worth it.
    - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
    - Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience
    - You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person
    - Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else
    - You can beat peak hour rush by leaving at noon
    - What a cruel idea it was to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"
    - If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments

  2. If you make something thats idiot proof evolution will produce a better idiot.
    Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead.
    We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
    Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
    Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
    I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  3. A few more shamelessly stolen from the intarweb:

    Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
    A day without sunshine is like, night.
    On the other hand, you have different fingers.
    I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
    42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
    99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
    I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
    Honk if you love peace and quiet.
    Remember half the people you know are below average.
    Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular itremains?
    Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest.
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
    I intend to live forever - so far so good.
    Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
    Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
    The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
    Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
    When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
    If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
    Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
    Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
    Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
    No one is listening until you make a mistake.
    Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
    The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
    The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
    To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
    Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    Two wrongs are only the beginning.
    The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
    The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catchup.
    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
    Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
    Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
    Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
    Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
    If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
    How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.....
    Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
  4. ^^^ :rofl: some rippers :LOL:
    here's some others

    Over self confidence is equal to being blind.
    A perfect statue never comes from a bad mold.
    To achieve a great goal, one must begin with a small achievement.
    Every woman is at heart a mother; every man is at heart a bachelor.
    In God we trust, all others must pay cash.
    Safe sex is in the palm of your hand.
    A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
    Wait until night before saying it is a fine day
    The reverse side also has a reverse side
  5. Kids learn:
    *No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
    *When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    *If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    *Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    *You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    *Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    *Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    *You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    *Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    *The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
    Parents learn:
    *Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    *Wrinkles don't hurt.
    *Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    *Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    *Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    *Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
    Oldies learn:*Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    *Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    *When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    *You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    *It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    *Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    *Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
  6. That's because the first hit always comes unannounced - they'll be bickering about whatever then there's quiet - and then there's an 'Ow!' and then there's another 'Ow!' and I'm like "What the hell is going on here?!" glaring at the one who looks the least wounded.

  7. (Welcome to...) Phillip Island: Gateway to Hypothermia.

    Barry Sheene was right on the money.