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Hyosung Motors - this is so bloody funny

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Kaer, Jun 23, 2005.

  1. Read the story called Jack & Jill on the Hyosung site. Frigging hilarious. I've posted the contents below.



    Once upon a time Jill wanted to buy a motorcycle and her friend who was an experienced rider advised her that forming a relationship with the dealer as a valued customer was very important. Jill and her friend went to the local dealer (the dealer up the hill) and spent time learning about motorcycles available that would suit her needs and about all the costs associated with getting her new motorcycle on the road.

    After some time Jill and her friend negotiated a deal that was good, without lowering the price of the motorcycle. Instead Jill was clever and negotiated a total purchase where she got the Dealer to give her a new jacket at half price, a free helmet, 10% discount off her insurance, and a free first service on her new motorcycle. Jill was very pleased because this saved her several hundred dollars.

    There were smiles all around at the dealership that morning because Jill got a great deal. She made a special point of saying to the dealer that she intended and fully expected to become a loyal valued customer. The dealer was pleased because he had made a profit selling a new motorcycle, thrown in some items and discounts that did not cause him to suffer too much, and gained a new loyal customer.

    Meanwhile Jill's neighbour, Jack who lived a few streets away had been shopping around for a new motorcycle for weeks. Jack actually wanted to purchase the same motorcycle that Jill bought that morning. Jack had phoned every dealer he could find asking what was their cheapest price on the motorcycle and would they beat the price offered by another dealer that was actually lower.

    On the same morning that Jill rode away smiling on her new motorcycle, Jack rang his nearest dealer (the same dealer Jill had just bought her new motorcycle from, the dealer up the hill) and again asked, “What is your cheapest price for the motorcycle I want to buy?” The dealer responded and Jack's final reply was "That is more than you quoted me two weeks ago!" The phone conversation ended with the dealer thinking "Jack is a jerk who can't see the big picture" and Jack thinking "I'm off to buy my bike from the dealer who quoted me the cheapest price".

    Jack rushed to the other dealer as fast as he could, sat down and said to the salesman "Remember that price you quoted me last week? I'm here to buy it!" Now the salesman was a cunning person and had seen Jack's type before. The type that always wanted the cheapest price. "Sure Jack", said the salesman, "What colour do you want Jack?" He asked. "I want a red one" Jack replied.

    Now the salesman knew that he was not going to make much profit from Jack, and he knew that the motorcycle in red was popular. "Sorry Jack, but all the red ones we have are sold" "Bugger" said Jack, “I've travelled all this way to buy my new motorcycle!” The cunning salesman knew Jack was only thinking about the cheap price, and he knew that because Jack lived all the way across town, that Jack would never come back, much less become a loyal customer. So the cunning salesman now talking like a spider said to Jack as if Jack was a fly "come over here Jack and have a look at this one".

    Jack picked up his things (his jacket that he bought at 10% discount last week, and the helmet he got for $30 off ages ago) and walked over to look at the brown motorcycle. Little did Jack know but the brown one was left over from last year because brown was not popular. "What about this one Jack? We can have it ready to go today" said the salesman. "Can't I have that red one over there?" said Jack. "Sorry mate that one is sold" said the salesman. Actually it wasn't sold at all but the cunning salesman already had Jack stitched up. "Ok. I'll take it," said Jack. The salesman sat Jack down and said, "Right Jack you'll need insurance, rego, plus the government charges. How are you going to pay for it all Jack?" "Finance" said Jack, “I've brought all the things to get the finance approved today.”

    Actually Jack was distracted because his mind was still wondering if he really liked the brown one. The cunning salesman whizzed through the paperwork and said, “Sign here and here Jack.” Jack did and soon after he rode away thinking that he really wanted a red one, but he got the cheapest price so that is what matters most. Jack had neglected to notice he did not take a copy of the purchase contract with him.

    Some months later on a sunny Friday morning Jack was up the hill at his local dealer trying to find out why his motorcycle had been there all week but his warranty repair had not been attended to yet. “I'm supposed to be going on a ride with all my mates this weekend. We've been planning it for weeks” said Jack. “We're really busy in the workshop this week Jack. We'll try and get it done, Ok?” “Ok” said Jack”, not knowing that dealers don't make any profit on warranty repair jobs, so they always get done last, after all the profitable workshop jobs are finished.

    As Jack walked out of the dealership with an anxious feeling about missing his weekend ride with his mates, Jill rode in on a motorcycle just the same as Jacks, a stunning red one. Jack and Jill had a quick conversation about their bikes and parted with Jack walking out with mixed feelings. Jill is a honey thought Jack. I hope I see her again because I want to ask her out on a date. I could really marry that chick, thought Jack. But how am I going to get her number? Jill walked in with a smile as the dealer greeted her with a hearty “Hi Jill.”

    Later that afternoon Jack walked into the dealership just in time to hear the dealer say, “No charge Jill, and we look forward to seeing you next time you need our service.” Jack thought ripper my bikes been here all week and she only brought hers in this morning. Mine should be finished for sure. “Sorry Jack; it's not finished mate” said the dealer. “What! It's been here all week” said Jack. “Sorry mate” said the dealer “we've been busy all week, and anyway the part we need hasn't been delivered by the supplier yet.”

    Actually that wasn't true; the part had arrived on Tuesday but the dealer didn't want to cause an argument in his shop with Jack, so the little white lie about the part not being delivered shifted the blame to the supplier (if you ever think a dealer is telling you a little white lie, you should email the supplier and ask. Often you will find your bike can't be repaired because the dealer hasn't paid their account with the supplier and the supplier has stopped supplying parts until the dealer pays the money they owe to the supplier). Jack was spewing. He really wanted to go on that weekend ride with all his mates.

    About a year went by and Jack decided he would like to trade his bike for a bigger one. He wasted hours on the phone ringing every dealer he could think of but they all seemed to remember Jack and weren't too keen on helping Jack because they remembered he was just a time waster (dealers call Jack's type a tyre kicker).

    Jack rode his bike up the hill to his local dealer and noticed one of his old mates was there also. “Hi mate” said Jack. “What are you doing here?” “I'm here with my girlfriend picking up her new motorcycle.” Jack looked around and there was Jill sitting on her new motorcycle. Jack was smitten; Jill looked hot! “How did you meet her?' said Jack. “I met her about a year ago on a weekend ride. You know; the one you missed because your bike was still in the workshop.” Jack started to feel sick. He couldn't form a relationship with other girls that whole year because in his heart he really loved Jill. Jack's head started to spin.

    “What's up mate?' “Aaahh, nothing.” Said Jack. Jack gathered himself as he realised his mate was noticing that Jack was still gawking at Jill. “Aaahh did she get that new bike cheap?' said Jack. His mate replied, “I don't know but she's really stoked with the trade in price she got for the old bike.” 'Beauty' thought Jack thinking only of himself. If she got a good trade in price, I should as well because my bike is the same as hers.

    The salesman came over and said “Hi Jack what are we doing for you today?” (you jerk) thought the salesman. “I'm here to trade my motorcycle in for a bigger one.” “What sort?” Said the salesman. “That one” said Jack pointing. The salesman looked around. “Oh, she is hot” said the salesman “I wonder if she has a boyfriend.” Jack's head started spinning again but he regained his focus. “yeah, I want to trade my motorcycle in on one of those. It's the same as hers so you should do me a good trade in price right?' said Jack.

    “Oh sorry mate. Yours in brown and it is a year older than hers. The brown is almost impossible to sell so we can't give you much for it.” Jack felt terrible. “What can you give me?” “I'll have to check. Have you paid it off?” Said the salesman. “Nope, but here are the papers” said Jack. “I'll check it and let you know what we can do for you Jack.”

    Jill started up her new motorcycle ready to ride it away for the first time. She turned it off again. “I almost forgot the most important thing. I need to check and sign the pre-delivery check” said Jill. “The pre-delivery check sheet?” Jack said to himself “What is that?” he said to himself again. What Jack didn't realise is that the friend who took Jill to buy her first bike was as wise as Solomon. He explained to Jill that the pre-delivery check and adjustment is the most important attention a motorcycle (or any mass produced vehicle) will ever receive. Jill and the dealer both signed the pre-delivery check sheet which made Jill feel very comfortable in the knowledge that her new motorcycle had been thoroughly checked and that the dealer was putting his reputation on the line by signing to say the motorcycle had been pre-delivered and adjusted just how the manufacturer intended. Jill rode off with her boyfriend following, and Jack wondering how he would ever win her affection.

    “Six grand” said the salesman, jolting Jack's attention back to his trade in deal. “Six thousand dollars and we can have you riding away on that new motorcycle you want.” “What – Six grand” said Jack. “Well your old brown bike is worth this much, and you signed up to a pretty expensive finance deal to buy it, so that's the best we can do.” Actually the salesman enjoyed giving Jack the bad news because he thought Jack was a Jerk. “Oh no, what can I do to make it cheaper?” said Jack. “Well you can pay off your brown motorcycle but you still have a year and a half to go on the finance deal.” Jack could hardly believe it. His heart was shattered because Jill was in a steady relationship with one of his old mates, she had just bought the new motorcycle that Jack really wanted, and his finances now held him captive riding a bike that was now too small for him for another year and a half. “She only had to pay two and a half thousand for the same deal” said the salesman.

    Jack started his bike ready to ride away down the hill in disgust just as Jill and his mate waved as they rode away. Jack was so stunned, he lost his balance, fell off his bike and broke it. At the end of the morning, Jack had to walk down the hill and spend another weekend without his bike, with his mind spinning trying to work out why Jill got such a good deal.

    As time passed Jack managed to blame all his problems on his brown motorcycle. Actually there was nothing wrong with the motorcycle. The only problems were caused by the dealer not doing a proper pre-delivery check and adjustment, so it was never perfect. After a few visits back to the workshop all the little things were eventually fixed and it was finally how the maker intended, but Jack blamed all his problems on it anyway. He no longer enjoyed riding it and couldn't wait for the day he paid it off and could get a bigger, faster motorcycle.

    One and a half years seemed to take forever and as the time drew near to get that bigger bike jack started phoning around for the cheapest price. He seemed to waste all his Saturdays at dealers trying to negotiate the cheapest price. When the one and a half years had finally passed he went up the hill to his local dealer and lo and behold, who should be there looking at new Jackets? Jill! She was stunning, more beautiful than ever. Jack's heart skipped a beat; and no boyfriend in sight. 'Ripper' Jack thought; finally I get my chance to impress her.

    “What's the cheapest price you can do on this one?” Jack said to the salesman, hoping that Jill noticed. “Too much for you” said the salesman. Jill laughed. The dealer who was helping Jill try on jackets said “That's Jack the jerk. He is a total loser.” Jack walked over to Jill. “Hi Jill. Do you want to have a drink with me tonight?” Jack said. “My husband wouldn't like it,” said Jill. “And besides, I'm pregnant and I shouldn't drink.” Jack was heart broken and stood there in stunned silence.

    “We can do you thirty percent off that new Jacket” said the dealer breaking the uneasy silence. Jack thought “how come they only gave me 15% discount when I bought a jacket”. “Thanks” said Jill “you always look after me so well” said Jill. 'They never say that to me' thought Jack, as he watched his old mate, now Jill's husband walk over and pay for her new jacket.

    While the story of Jack and Jill goes on to become far more complicated, the simple old saying about Jack and Jill remains as true to day as ever. It is a wise old saying; it goes something like this: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some motorcycles. Jack fell down and broke his brown, but Jill lived happily ever after.

    Jack might have lived a happy life with Jill as his wife, but getting a cheaper deal was more important. Dealers are people too. So are motorcycle manufacturers. They do their best and have good intentions, but because they are humans too, they tend to treat people how the people treat them.
  2. Love it! :LOL:
  3. that was long, and i dont want a hyosung, and red sucks..... but jill is hot :D
  4. Nice one, K, well worth reading through.
    Be nice to your bike dealer, he's a real person too!!
    (well, most of them are)
  5. hmmmm, you learn something every day.. even if it's meant to be about public relations for an exam tomorrow but instead it's dealer/customer relations thanks to netrider procrastinations :p
  6. Nice story, but ive heard first hand about too many dealerships screwing you over no matter what.
  7. right so the moral of the story is...

    suck your dealers dick, get a fancy new bike in a fancy new color, sit back as "Jill" creams herself over your new bike and the fact that your "In" with the dealer, marry Jill... have babies, After a couple of years you start to realise that Jill has put on a few pounds and doesn't "fill out" her leather's like she used to and your Hyosong goes like rust in a bucket, and your only friend is your dealer... he can do you a good price on your crappy hyosong, he can get you that R1 you've always wanted he can get you those cheap riding accessories, in fact with your bike and your gear what do you need fat old Jill for, and those annoying bloody rug rats.

    That's just what they want, you become addicted to their discounts their "hits" you just can't get enough you've got the "itch"

  8. OK everyone, lets get creative. What happens next?
  9. When the happy day arrives, the baby looks a lot like the dealer. Jill's husband is suspicious and gets a paternity test. Betrayed, he leaves and loses the custody battle.

    He has nothing left - no house, no money, no Jill. Even the thing that added spice to the marriage - those long rides on the back of Jill's bike - are gone for ever.

    Shattered, he turns to the only other motorcyclist he's ever met - Jack. Two men, spurned by the same woman. A common anger grows into mutual support, and then to friendship. Before long, Jack and Jill's ex are back at the bike shop, kitting themselves out in much more leather than a motorcyclist really needs.

    Jill, meanwhile, battles on. A single mum, trying to maintain a career while getting a baby to childcare on the back of her bike. In desperation, she sets the Child Support Agency onto the dealer and before long he's declared himself bankrupt. Jack and the Ex buy up big at the dealer's closing down sale. The piece de resistance - matching Hyosung GV650 Aquilas - are pretty enough earn them a place at the lead of the Gay Pride march.

    Short of cash, and keen to entertain her son, Jill takes him to watch a big parade. Bright colors, marching bands - far too much tulle and sequins. And there, at the head of the march, the two men she treated so badly. Filled with remorse, Jill runs towards them - and is tragically run over by the Aquilas. Accident or revenge? - we'll never know. Jack, Jill and the ex are incinerated in an inferno of fake-chrome parts. Only the child is saved, snatched from the flames by bystanders.

    The baby is returned to his father. As he grows, his mind is filled with half-remembered fragments - a pretty lady, with bugs in her teeth, grease under her nails and a spanner in her hands. And her half-remembered words..

    "Your dad's a pr@#k. I thought he only f&%ked me once. But I bought the Across, so I guess he got me again".
  10. Bwahahahaha.. :LOL: Brilliant Mark. That's getting printed out and stuck the wall at work.. 8) :LOL:
  11. Dealers are people??? :LOL: :LOL:

    Nice ending there, LMAO!!
  12. What I want to know is.....how come it's the poor Across that ends up being the joke here, I mean they can't be THAT bad can they???
  13. That's slimy, just like car salesmen.
  14. haha @ accross ending.. not that its an across.. just that everybody gives them shit hehe
  15. Jack went back and torched the dealership.
    :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
  16. legendary chairman , legendary :LOL:
  17. hahahah nicely done!