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Hump Day Humour

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by cookeetree, Sep 5, 2007.

  1. Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet, a mother rushed him to the emergency room.

    "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."

    "How will I be sure?" she pressed.

    "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."
  2. In a small, conservative, mid-western town, a new bar/tavern began construction on a new building to accomodate their new business venture. At the same time, a local church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.

    The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

    The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.

    As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't!"
  3. How many ears does Davey Crocket have???

    A left ear
    A right ear


    A wild frontier
  4. A driver pulled up beside a man hitchhiking, and offered him a lift.

    The man had three ears, no arms, and one leg.

    So the drivers said, "Ere, ere, ere, you look pretty harmless, hop in!"
  5. Well Paul, your still alive then :LOL:

    I haven't been in here for a long time and your jokes are as bad as always :deal:

    Still flogging that old hornet around or have you given it away for the safe life :?:
    The valley says hi :cheeky:
  6. The thread title is "Hump Day Humour. Now, [​IMG] and come back with something funny.

    j/k :wink:
  7. Hey, hey! lets go easy on the old geiser... its hard trying to come up with something original when youve been around since the dawn of time, and have heard every possible joke conceived to man. (yet alone "trying to come up") :LOL:

    but sererusry, this is where i spend all my time, it NEEDS to be funny.

    El comprehendo amigo??

  8. A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

    After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's nothing left of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

    Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

    The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

    The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

    The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

    The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
  9. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
    b!tch :evil:
  10. Nasty............not all us women are like that I would be more than happy too share the wine :wink:
  11. :rofl:

    Smart biatch