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Hump-Day Howler

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by hornet, Oct 19, 2005.

  1. It's Gonna Be A Cold Winter

    It was Autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in the modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

    When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

    Also, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

    It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

    A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

    "Yes" the man at the National Weather Service again replied, "it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

    Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

    "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

    "How can you be sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!!
  2. HAHAHAHA..... oh yep that was good
  3. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL:
  4. Hmmm, I wonder how much truth there is in that???

    Good one Hornet :D


    (yeah yeah... i'm blonde...)


    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
    She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

    She says, "What's the story?"

    He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


    A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

    A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

    She says, "Why, officer?"

    "Because your breast is hanging out." He says.

    She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"


    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

    "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!"


    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

    Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "it's A SCARF!"


    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

    The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

    "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.

    She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

    Her question was:

    "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


    The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.

    She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a
    fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.

    Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

    "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."


    A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

    She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back into the house.

    A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

    To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

    (are you ready? this is a beauty .)

    My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
  6. What's not to love about blonde jokes!!??
    And, of course, you know why blonde jokes are short?
    So men can understand them! :LOL:
  7. really :shock: :LOL:

    and you have mail was a pisser :wink:
  8. :LOL: :LOL:

    stewy, are you? :LOL:
  9. umm no not_sane..... probably should of put the eye rolling emoticon there as well...... :p