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Hump Day Funny - What Women Really Mean

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pvda, Dec 21, 2005.

  1. I may've posted this before but I'm about due to be unpopular with the female Netriders again.

    What women really mean when they use these words

    This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

    This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

    This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

    GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
    This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

    GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
    This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

    This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

    Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

    This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

    A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

    This is much different than "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
  2. Dude, you are 100% on the NOTHING statement.... :LOL: :LOL:
  3. Agreed Skuff, "nothing" is shared by the sweet innocents all the way to the angry militants. There is cross over on the rest. My last girlfriend wouldn't do most of the rest, because it was either "nothing" or throwing a hissy fit tanty, probably why I ended up cracking the sh!ts and putting her on her bike :)

  4. You forgot:-

    I'll see.

    (or )

    I'll think about it.

    Means NO.[/i]
  5. hey what about

    Can We Go Now?
    Means you have overstayed the alotted amount of time at mates/pub/party/general fun place to be. :LOL:
  6. dont forget - "We need to talk"....last time that happened I was rebuilding the Jag overdrive on the kitchen table. It seemed fair to me - she uses it for sewing 'n' stuff, thus the converstation ended in "fine" and "nothing" and a bit of a drought!
  7. I too come across the 'Nothing' statement regularly. I just treat it as though it really was nothing. Not worth the stress worrying about it, and encourages better communication. :LOL:
  8. Yeah Tenoq, there are two possible correct responses to "nothing".

    1. "ok", when you are prepared to risk hearing what's wrong.
    2. Walk away, when you want to put off hearing what's wrong for a little while longer.

    It's always in your favour to ask "what's wrong?" as then you avoid the whole "you don't care about my feelings" thing later.

  9. Well Well
    It seems you guys think you have women all figured out. Has it ever occured to you that maybe women are so predictable in their reactions because of something you may have said, done or more than likely, Not Done. Having said that I did laugh at your posts because I can so relate to what you're talking about. I saw myself in everything that was written
  10. QED.
  11. I am happy to admit that I know nothing about women and definitely don't have them figured out - but I am happy to identify ways to work with them to achieve a goal :wink: . In the same way I am happy to say I don't know anything about computers and 0's and 1's, but I still work with them!