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How to not kickstart your bike.

Discussion in 'General Motorcycling Discussion' started by FriendlyFire, Oct 22, 2011.

  1. Because it's a little colder today, I decided this afternoon to start my bike and let it idle for a bit while I got my gear on. So I flip the right footpeg up, open the choke and kick it over. Nothing. Again. And again. And again. It doesn't want to start. I think about this for a bit, fiddle with everything in every combination - choke on, the choke off, throttle on, throttle off. Nothing seems to make a difference. I scratch my head and kick it over one more time.

    Suddenly the bike is at a 60 degree angle and I'm holding the right side of the bike off the ground with my right leg and my right arm is holding my upper body and head off the concrete. I can't move my right leg at all. Intense pain is shooting up my ankle and shin. I have no idea what has happened. I can't see my leg under the bike, but it's trapped somehow. Even though I can actually shift the bike a little when I try to, my leg seems to be the pivot point for it and any motion causes agony. My left leg is dangling uselessly on the left-hand (upper) side of the bike because the seat of the bike too close to my bum for me to use my left leg to lever me and the tiny little 250 back into an upright position. Uh oh. I can't get it upright. I try to relax a little to lower the bike onto an angle that allows me to slip out from under it, but no dice. I realise that if this bike were to fall on it's side, where my right foot is, somewhere around the crankcase, must be the first point to hit the ground - ergo, it is right now bearing almost the entire weight of the bike, which I am in turn bearing my my right arm. My leg won't move at all. The bike is getting heavier, my arm is getting tired and my ankle is in more and more pain. I cannot consider the incredible indignity of suffering a motorcycle injury from a stationary bike - and a stationary, tiny lightweight 250 at that. This is looking grim.

    I have to relax my arm eventually, and that will lead to the crushing of my ankle under the whole weight of the bike. I conclude I have only one real hope of not crushing my ankle. I yell out and hope my housemate is home and can hear me. A few moments later he appears around the corner of the house and says “Did you yell - woah!” and grabs the bike and hauls it upright - and my right ankle goes upright with it, pulling me across the pavement and causing me to gasp with relief for one moment and then yelp with discomfort the next. Neither of us can work out what's going on, but I am stuck to the bike.

    Then I see the problem. On my last kick the trouser leg of my jeans has come down over the flipped up footpeg. I must have tried to put my right foot down and haven't been able to reach the ground and have toppled over, keeping my leg trapped against the crankcase and under the bike. I curse myself and luck. I hobble around on both hands and one leg until I can reach over and unhook my leg, stand up while my housemate puts the bike back on the kickstand with a sigh of relief and a puzzled look at me.

    I sit on the bike, tuck my trouser leg into my boot, make a determined shape with my mouth, point my finger threateningly at the speedo (which is where the conscious mind of the bike lives, of course) and the bike kicks over effortlessly, as if to whistle optimistically that all is well if it ended well.

    I curse the bike. Sneaky little bastard - clearly this one is out to kill me.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Bwahaha. Gold.
  3. Thanks for the story, I was half expecting to have the punch line as you noticing the kill switch.
  4. ROTFL - Great write-up! Beautiful.

    They're all out to kill you dear - all the time. Don't ever forget that.

    I don't know that I've ever gone over, but I've sure as hell had some massive frights when the hem of my trousers has caught the foot peg when I've tried to put my foot down. Tuck your pants into your boots, or if you're wearing street cloths, into your socks. Looks silly, but not as silly as being stuck under the bike. Or falling unaccountably sideways at a set of lights, into the rolls royce in the next lane.

    I have seen someone get trapped under the bike when their foot slipped off the kickstart and the whole kick starter lever went up the leg of their trousers. It made picking up the bike a bit of a challenge. The bike came to rest with the weight on the rider's foot somehow, which was painful, so they weren't quite with the program but were very emphatic that the machine had to be moved and soon. The helpers didn't know what had happened, and were trying to pick it up, but couldn't because the lever was trying to pick the rider back up, and the rider didn't understand what had happened and was giving wrong instructions in a desperate shout ... Talk about a f#cking circus!

    If you pussy-foot around with a kick starter, and the bike backfires, the starter can slip out from under your foot and come back up and hit you in the back of the calf, or behind the knee. I've never personally seen it break anyone's leg, but I've heard stories. I know it hurts like all hell. I have seen a Harley chop throw its rider clean up and over his own ape-hangers, and come down with the front wheel in the middle of his back.
  5. Absolute GOLD! Great story...
    I've developed a peculiar arcing motion with my left foot when I move off, because I repeatedly catch the top of my boot on the peg and risk the same embarrassment - it must look totally stupid, but I don't care because the alternative would be much worse; you've just proved that for me...
  6. Or worse. Read cats' posts here.
  7. ouch ...
  8. That's what I was waiting for too. :)
  9. Yezdi and Royal Enfield taught me well with two memorable lessons. I was a wee lad then. Thank goodness for centre stands.
  10. What foot wear were you wearing?
  11. Army boots, why?

    Weirdly, it was very easy to start today. Maybe it needs blood sacrifice to pacify it?
  12. Bwahaha.. thanks for the late night laff.

  13. Wow sounds painful, lucky someone was around to help.
  14. He He He. Great story. You better keep an eye on that sneaky fvcker of a bike. :demon: He's out to get ya!
  15. I was just curious on what ankle support you had, But I would still gather no brand name boot will help with 150kg + on your foot haha